Blindsided-Marriage Restoration

Some Standers will go through an intense time in their stand where everything they came to know, trust in, believe, and rely on becomes tested and dismantled. During this time, they can be shattered and feel great despair as everything they have ever believed in suddenly comes into question.  “They don’t know who their spouse is, did they ever love them? Is what they are saying true? Are you that bad? Did God ever want you to marry this person? Is God wanting to restore? Is God even real?” Yes. So many Standers will even have their foundation as a believer tested.

Who becomes vulnerable to this? Usually, it’s those that had life going in a way that seemed pretty darn good. They had learned how to handle life’s lemons and make lemonade. They had learned how to work things out for good and with their spouse, they could tackle every problem that came at them because they made a GREAT team. They may have been strong faith-filled Christians where were looked up to and admired in their church circle or community. The couple that others always went to for help. They never fought with their spouse and never for one moment did they believe this could happen to them. 

 Now, let’s get to the real truth. When life goes according to plan. When life treats you well and throws minor problems at you, ones that don’t require a great deal of suffering and dying to self, you become very firm and rooted in your own system of how to handle things. We become firm, set in our ways of how to go to God, how to pray, how to worship, how to address miner trials and tribulations. Easy stuff. No real faith is required. We become very secure IN OUR EFFORTS. Secure in OUR BELIEFS. Secure in OUR KNOWLEDGE. Secure in OUR WAYS.

Then our marriage falls apart and ALL the ways that we were used to fixing our problems–we tried them and failed. We tried them again and failed. We tried talking our way out of it like we had done a million times and succeeded, but now it’s not working, but making it worse. We tried going to God and getting that fast answer that usually always came before. Not working. We tried googling. We tried reading the Word. We tried doing all the things that we had become accustomed to doing to help ourselves in the past. All the things that we fully trusted, relied on and were confident in. ALL to watch fail. And it left us destroyed, gutted, and questioning everything. 

This place of questioning can feel like death, grief, the deepest of despair. When your foundation is suddenly gone, the loss of that security can make you feel like God is nowhere near you.

The truth is we were secure in our own kingdom that we built through our own reliance and trust in ourselves. We did what worked for us. Molded God to fit into our way of life. But Standing has shattered that. Nothing about Standing produces the results that we have become used to. In fact, Standing is completely foreign to us and tests every bit of our faith, our belief, our flesh, our pride, our ego, and our ever-loving minds!!!

We feel crazy, pathetic, and sometimes like we will never recover and be the same. We see our spouses have transformed into someone that we don’t recognize and we become afraid they are showing their true selves and have lied to us the whole time, OR they have become mentally sick and will never recover. 

When God sees that the rock we have built our foundations upon is not His, but our own efforts, He will come in and allow it to shake and crumble. This is a natural law of sowing and reaping. When we sow into our own kingdoms, we will reap destruction eventually. When He sees that anytime you had a problem, you were able to solve it without really knowing what it meant to become helpless and fully dependent upon Him,  He knows there is a real problem and He knows that by allowing you to fall apart, you won’t have a choice now but to let HIM put you back together, the RIGHT WAY, the Kingdom of God way. 

Paul tells us that he went through a situation that was more than he could bear on his own. A totally contrary statement that the world teaches, that God will never give us more than we can bear. Hogwash. Of course, He does. How else will He get us to fully, totally, unequivocally rely and depend upon Him, IF what we face is bearable without Him? 

God took them to a place in their journey where they could not bear it and go through it the way they were used to going through it in the past. Where they had always RELIED on, TRUSTED, had CONFIDENCE IN THEMSELVES. This is what I just explained above. Those that have grown accustomed to living life relying, trusting, being confident in themselves are going to be the ones that when Standing comes, get broken to the point of total despair. But there is HOPE.

Job tells us what God BREAKS SO HE CAN THAN HEAL. FIX. REPAIR, CORRECT what is wrongly established in us. 

“Behold, how happy and fortunate is the man whom God corrects, So do not despise or reject the discipline of the Almighty [subjecting you to trial and suffering]. “For He inflicts pain, but He binds up and gives relief; He wounds, but His hands also heal. Job 5:17-18

What is He breaking? He is breaking anything that has taught us to depend on ourselves above trusting, relying on, and being confident in HIM. He is teaching us how to walk, talk, think, and BELIEVE all over again because we had become too SELF RELIANT. BUT first He has to blindside us, pull the rug right out from under us, and make that foundation that we built crumble so He can rebuild us the RIGHT WAY.

The more pride you have the farther down you are going to fall. The more solid you were in yourself, the more you will feel unsure and confused. The more secure you were, the more you loved and enjoyed your life, the more you had everything RIGHT, the harder you are going to fall. But the Lord is NOT going to leave you there. The more you fight Him, and try to hold onto your ways, lean on what has worked for you before, the more delay and you will exhaust yourself in the struggle. 

I have seen those that came to this place in their life and chose NOT to Stand. They not only relied on what has worked for them in the past, but they became MORE PRIDEFUL. More confident in their abilities and FARTHER from God. As they turn more toward themselves, they start to transform more into a person that resembles the ungodly and unrighteous. Count it ALL joy that God has set your feet upon the path that leads you to Standing, even if you feel like it’s destroying you, it’s actually SAVING YOUR SOUL.

You may be here thinking about what you just read saying “I loved God, I served God, I was not self-confident, not self-serving. I had great faith and a great relationship with God. So I am not buying it.” 

You have to ask yourself. Why are you in such despair now then? If you were Standing on the solid rock, why do you feel like you are in sinking sand? Why are you doubting, questioning, confused, and in such despair? Why are struggling with faith and belief NOW?  Why are you so desperate right now that God MUST throw you a crumb to help you see that your whole life was not a lie, your whole belief system was not built on sinking sand?  God wants you totally empty of that old way of thinking and relying on yourself so you WILL desperately cling to a new way and never go back to the old. 

Sometimes we become so desperate to hold onto our own kingdoms we built, that we become more lost and wander until we learn to be ok with letting it go. Letting God introduce us to HIS Kingdom and His ways that were there for us all along. The more desperate you are to hear that your old ways were not lies, the more delay you may cause for yourself. LOOK FORWARD.

I am going to make you a promise. IF you learn to trust Him as you should, you will never look back on Standing as a curse. You will look back and say “it was the most valuable, life-altering experience of my life. And through it, I learned what it meant to truly become a born-again believer and know the voice of my Shepherd.”

 Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger