Standing brings many lessons across your path. It comes through learning about yourself, why you react the way you do and why you struggle through certain things. 

The very first lesson God brought me to was why I felt the need to control my spouse and marriage. It was also one of the hardest lessons for me to overcome. We often hear “Let it go!” Well, I finally discovered “control” was my  “IT”.  

Until that lesson came, I had tried valiantly and shamefully try to stop the madness. I tried everything I could think of – within reason – to get my spouse to “snap out of it” and “see the light”. When that didn’t work, I resorted to some unreasonable ways, too, including crying, screaming and begging. I took it even further to threats and manipulation, all to no avail. I tried to recruit several people to help “talk sense” into my spouse. The reports I got back could have made me quit. Actually, they did… I gave up the hope that I could stop or change the course of this Storm.

I came to full realization that I had absolutely zero control over a marriage that I had controlled for 20 years.

Terrified doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt.
Turning to God to save my marriage was the greatest thing I had ever done. The only problem, I was doing it with manipulation, turning to God with the belief, “If I can’t get my spouse to do what I want, GOD CAN!”

Now, of course, God wants us to have a thriving marriage. BUT He doesn’t want marriage to replace Him. It was designed to mirror Him in every way! That was the lesson I had to learn, but it took a lot of scales falling from my own eyes and A LOT of dying to self through a whole lot of tears and raw emotion.  

I learned a HUGE lesson about control and trust.
We try to control what we don’t trust. Since I really did not know God, how He felt about my life and what He wanted for my life, I could not trust Him.

Even now, I am still learning that there are things I have zero control over, no say. I must TRUST God to be my Voice, my Defender, my Judge. I am learning that when my heart is Right, my motives are Right, and I approach Him from that place, (NOT a place of pity or selfish needs) when I come to Him for help, TRUSTING Him and leaving the timing to HIM… I’ve learned that He hears, He cares, and He MOVES on my behalf. And when His hand comes to set things Right, it’s always a much better way, addressing things I had no clue needed to be addressed.

We have to learn why we want to control. What is driving us? Is it Fear? Well, that’s because you are not fully aware of Him.  Is it Anger? That’s because you don’t understand Him. Is it Hurt? That’s because you have not understood Him. Get it? Every issue WE have is because we are not mature in our understanding of God.

We must mature in knowing Him. We must read the Word to gain a full, confident trust in Him that He is GOOD, and HE is FOR US!

The scriptures that God helped me to learn this lesson were:

“He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, Which yields its fruit in its season And its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers,” Psalm 1:3

“But blessed are those who trust in the LORD and have made the LORD their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit,” Jeremiah 17: 7-8

Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger 


 

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(~Marriage Revealed Ministries Inc. is committed to helping bring healing and restoration to couples who are struggling in their marriage. We do this through the revelation of Who God is and His heart and design for marriage which never intends abuse in any form. If you suspect abuse in your relationship, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit them online at thehotline.org~