I want to share my restoration story. Let me warn you…it highlights a lot of faults. (mine) and a lot of mistakes (again), but here goes:
We had been married about 4 years; had one son when things peaked and went horribly wrong quickly. Long story short…I found out he’d had several affairs and I finally gave him an ultimatum…honor our marriage vows or leave. After much discussion, we decided to divorce! I really could not believe it! On the one hand, I was a Christian and Sunday School Teacher…to everyone…the perfect little wife (OK…except I couldn’t cook worth anything! LOL)…had been called Miss Goody Two-Shoes since High School…then there was my husband…a drinker…cheater…crazy temper, etc (but, a good provider)…nobody gave our marriage even 6 months! Well…almost 5 years.
Anyway, he was leaving; I had a job interview…had to take a physical and found out I was pregnant. I packed his bags and had them ready…when he found out I was pregnant, he wouldn’t leave …”What would people think?” Jump ahead 8 months…he moved out; I got a job. (This was 1978) Didn’t have a car so ex drove me to work and picked me up! LOL! I was determined to be the “perfect” mom and take the high road. Never said a bad word about him to the kids and didn’t allow family or friends to say anything if my kids were around. He moved on to a number of girlfriends…I didn’t date for years…but, finally did when I went back to college…in another county (this was 1985). The children never saw me with anyone.
I begged God to bring him back…I begged God to show him “the error of his ways”…I begged God to end those relationships…did that for 2 years! One day, I realized I had totally missed the point. I started asking…praying hard…for God to change ME…to get ME to where He needed me to be…to change ME into the woman, mom and Christian HE wanted ME to be. I did ask for protection over my ex…and for him to turn back to God…but, that was it! No more asking for him to come back…no more focusing on all his faults…I had plenty of my own that needed fixed…my family and friends told me I was crazy…I was fine…I was great; he had the problems…I bought Satan’s lies long enough. It was time to change me…the hardest thing I have ever done!
Jump ahead to 1988…one of my son’s teachers called me in for a conference…10 months later we married…1 month later my ex married his gf…2 years later, I knew I had made a huge mistake and we split…husband split soon after. (this was 1991). We ( the ex, kids and myself) took family vacations together…he never missed a Christmas, birthday, school party, play, etc. I handled all the finances for both of us (much to his girlfriends and wife’s dismay). When a gf was rude to my children, I pulled the ex away…one time the gf (who later became the wife) called me and said we needed to talk…she was going to “tell me how it was”…I went and listened…then, I pulled the ex out for 3 days and told her if she didn’t back off, he would never be back. (see, I am not nice)…but, I will do whatever it takes to make sure the kids are OK…pretty much still that way.
In 1998 we remarried (after 20 years)…still married today. Plenty of ups and downs…even an affair and finding out he had a daughter born 1 week after our daughter!! But, God has a reason for everything. Plenty of times my family, friends and even kids told me I was crazy…plenty of times I thought so, too. After the last affair, I “told” God I was through…He couldn’t ask me to do anymore…even “told” God if it weren’t what he wanted He better act fast…I was filing the next day…yep, I was violently sick for 4 days…guess who took care of me…yep, the almost ex (again). Only God could have done that…but, I DID ask for it!
ADDED NOTE: I should state he has turned back to God…BEFORE we remarried. His dad was an abusive drinker, but the husband always wanted to be a good dad…since he didn’t have a good example, it took a LONG time…but, he did…and is a pretty cool Poppy to our grandkids…they all think he is the “cool one”…and I have too many rules! LOL! NOBODY who knew us in the 70’s can believe this is “us” now…God can do ANYTHING! BUT, our focus has to be on HIM…not the ex…but, our relationship with Our Savior!
Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Praying for Standers ~Betty
