Standers, the MAIN part of the journey we are on is OUR OWN HEALING!
Some of you came into this storm with preexisting issues like insecurity, unworthiness, rejection roots, as well as childhood traumas. Many entered the marriage already clothed in shame and wounded souls.
Not only do these issues create problems in our marriage, but they can also cause us blockages in our relationship with God, preventing us from growing in faith, hope, trust, and love. These are reasons we remain lukewarm or cold in our Christian walk.
When we enter a marriage with these roots, our spouses can help keep the fruit dormant. We use our spouse in a way that stops the unwanted fruit of insecurity, rejection, unworthiness from becoming overly ripe. BUT it’s not healing or removing the roots; it’s a temporary solution. Or, sometimes marriage will exasperate our issues and as we try and get our spouse to heal us, we put the burden of our problems onto them.
When the storm hits, it seems all our issues will come out at once. We no longer can hide from these things that have been part of our thought process and ‘identity.’
Getting your spouse back is NOT going to heal these issues. A trust was broken, a betrayal was created. To heal and move ahead to being a healthy YOU, you will need to release your spouse and marriage as the healer, and see and understand where your help and Who your Help is.
Your spouse and marriage are not going to fix what is broken.
This is why your journey in Standing must be focused on your relationship with God. Sometimes Standing for your spouse will distract you from this. God has a plan and purpose to help you!
If you don’t learn while Standing to let God heal you, and you expect your spouse to when they come home, this will create a tremendous strain on your relationship. Many hold onto the pain during the storm, expecting once their spouse comes home, they are going to mend them, fix all they broke, not realizing they are going to come home too broken to do that. So let go of that idea, and ask God to work on you NOW!
God needs to get to the root issues in your heart, and while He does this, you are going to feel horrible as the fruits from these things manifest and sometimes choke out the presence of God. This is where you can’t go by feelings, but by what you know and believe. This is where your FAITH will save you. You may not feel Him, but you must KNOW He is there and has not left you. You may be hurt, angry and upset with Him, but your faith is there to keep you going. Right now, so many feelings and emotions may be hindering you from reaching out to God, and that can open a door to self-condemnation where you beat yourself up because you can’t get it right and “There must be something really wrong with me.”
But GOD HAS YOU! He is not seeing you as a failure or upset with you and your lack of progress and growth. He knows exactly what is going on and He is the one working on YOU, not YOU working on things. HE is in charge. He just needs you to hold on, trust Him and keep moving forward.
This is where you must choose to believe in the love and care of your Father and trust that He is doing a deep-deep work in you. For some of you, He may lead you to get help from your brothers and sisters in Christ who are anointed in inner healing, seeking help through a trusted church program.
It’s normal for it to feel like things are so much worse as you are working towards healing the areas of your life that were out of place. As we break wrong mindsets, patterns and strongholds of lies, we can feel so lost and deeply alone as these things we were in agreement with are removed from us.
As you learn who you really are, new STRONG mindsets will form and renew you! God has you! Just hold on and keep going.
Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger
