Some of the biggest battles we have as Standers who are fighting to save their marriage are NOT with their lost spouse. It’s with ourselves, our pride, unbelief, fears, and logic. When these 4 things come at us, it creates an opponent with giant-sized proportions. Add in other things like weariness, frustration, loneliness, and you have the makings for a perfect…….total……meltdown!

If you are a person that never learned how to take control of your emotions and feelings before, you will during the stand, otherwise you will drive yourself insane with the emotional turmoil and roller coasted that standing can put you through.

One of the BEST places we need to learn about is the refuge of God. When I stumbled upon this place, I was amazed at the sheltering power it was capable of providing me WHILE in the storm. Sitting IN the same room with the OW and not having a single moment of torment, fear, unease. The whole time keeping my joy and peace. I did nothing. It was ALL God. He was my shelter and I was surrounded by the knowledge that drove away the fear that when HE IS FOR ME, there is nothing, no one, no situation, that can be against me.

God Works In All Things
30And those He predestined, He also called; those He called, He also justified; those He justified, He also glorified. 31What then shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also, along with Him, freely give us all things?…Romans 8:30-32

The refuge of God is not easy to find because we are not sure what we are looking for. How did I stumble upon it? I didn’t. I had to put it inside of me through the Word of God so in my time of need it was there to provide me a place of safety by guarding my mind. When I was facing a situation that started to pull me into fear, I found myself in the refuge of truth when the words came back to me…………….

Psalm 118:6 The LORD is on my side; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?

When my husband would be telling me his plans and inside I would start to shake and get upset over his words. But then HIS WORDS would come and provide me with stability and shelter from the nonsense that was being thrown at me.
Isaiah 8:10 Devise a plan, but it will be thwarted; state a proposal, but it will not happen. For God is with us.”
When I would look at the time and how long it was taking for my spouse to change, time would start to anger me and fear would creap in. “What if this is my life? What if when God said restoration, it was not for another 10 years? How can I live like this?” So what if it is? Will it destroy me? No. I heard the Word and it came and calmed the storms that were threatening to take me down.
Isaiah 41:10 Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will surely help you; I will uphold you with My right hand of righteousness.
There was a time, when I had no clue where my help came from. When I just let myself feel what I was feeling and think what I wanted to think. 
And oh boy did I hurt myself badly living this way because all I wanted to think about was the things that angered me, caused me fear and pain, and while I let myself think of those things, I didn’t realize that it was because of what I was thinking of, that let the feelings of fear, anger, hurt and pain come too. The Word talks about us needing wisdom and self-discipline. I had neither. I just allowed myself to be free to feel, think……..and be angry and hurt.

But there were times when I knew to pray and run to the Word for help. I started to learn where my help came from. That when I went there, I started to feel better. The anger started to subside, the fears started to calm. And as I read more of the Word, the tower began to build. The walls began to form and when it was time for the need, the shelter was there.


Suddenly facing a situation, I knew what to do. “God I need You. Help me.” And the Word was there! Everything I had read came back and I was there. In the shelter of His might. Knowing Him to be good. To be there for me, gave me so much peace and protected me from the lies that tried to tell me this was hopeless, impossible, and would never change.
Proverbs 18:10 The name of the LORD is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.
Psalm 91:2I will say to the LORD, “You are my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”
I wish I could tell you that I was able to find myself in the refuge in the early part of my storm, or every single time troubles came. But I can’t. I didn’t trust God to make Him my shelter at first. I still trusted myself. The only way I stopped trusting myself and my ways were when I kept failing over and over and realized that I needed something much more powerful than myself. I did try everything but God at first. Friends, family, our Pastor. No one could talk sense into my husband, and instead, they came back as a messenger for the enemy to tell ME to quit! Did no one believe that it was possible with God? Was it going to just be God and I alone in this? And yes, it was. Me, myself, and God, and many times it was just God alone standing for my marriage because I was at war with myself.

That battle with my own pride, fear, anger and so many other things inside was pretty intense at times. I had more fights with my flesh than I did with the enemy. I prayed more for myself at times than I did for my lost spouse, and HE WAS LOST! But I was struggling so much. Struggling to not keep my mouth shut. Struggling with fear, impatience. I even struggled to tell God off because there were so many things I did not understand, and quite frankly HATED how He was handling this whole situation.

But in the end. He was right. With ALL of it. Every single battle I fought with myself was spot on. I had to choose to be more like Him or I would not have come through this the way I did. I came through the winner in this. Not only did my marriage get restored, but I gained a brand new identity in Christ. I met my Savior and experienced so many things with Him because I found shelter. I found my way to His refuge by reading the Word and believing it was true and would protect me if I kept letting it.

You have to believe it’s true. You can’t find shelter from the storm if you struggle with unbelief. God is all He says He is. And He will prove that to you if you let Him!
Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger


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(~Marriage Revealed Ministries Inc. is committed to helping bring healing and restoration to couples who are struggling in their marriage. We do this through the revelation of Who God is and His heart and design for marriage which never intends abuse in any form. If you suspect abuse in your relationship, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit them online at

Powering through Pain 31 Day Devotional-By Sheila Hollinger

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