I woke hearing God say, “I am shouldering the burden.”  I sure wish I would have grasped this fully during my storm. It ALL makes sense now. Everything my spouse went through, everything I went through and felt, and everything God was trying to get through my thick skull, “it wasn’t ALL about me.”

He wants to release you from the burden and let you know who this is really about. Your spouse and God. Not your marriage. Not you.

YES, you have your own walk, personal changes and even some responsibility for things that were out of order in the marriage. You are growing in your own personal relationship with God, but when it comes to the marriage, the restoration, the burden your bear and carry, this is not about you. A person that is in alignment with God and spiritually mature doesn’t implode and walk away, they stick around with God’s help and fix things. The reason they walk away has more to do with God than you realize!

Here is what the Holy Spirit shared with me:

During my storm, I did not always pray and talk to God about being restored because there were times when I truly understood how unhappy my husband was. I believed the lie that marriage had trapped him and he would never be content with me. He was so lost, frustrated and angry over how his life had turned out, and because I would not allow him to walk in his role, he felt very frustrated and powerless and that led him to rebel.

I could relate to that powerless, hopeless feeling I knew he had. I often woke up depressed and frustrated with my life. I desperately wanted to feel peace and contentment, but I just didn’t know what was wrong so I could fix it and I was the one in charge of our life. I was always looking for solutions, but for me personally, starting over with a new person or new life was not an option or temptation for me. My discontent led me to seek my answers in prayer.

The Holy Spirit showed me that was how my husband felt, he had no peace, nor was he content. He was also searching for help and answers and he was rebelling deeply inside against being controlled and not being allowed to be in charge of his life. He felt so disgusted, hopeless, and frustrated, things were so out of his control and he had no idea how to fix things. He started to look at the guys around him, young, single, having fun, no responsibilities and that is when envy took hold of him. He wanted what they had, to be FREE to be his own man and make decisions of his own life. His frustrations and discontent should have led him in prayer, seeking God for help. But sadly, he was very distanced from God. And, this opened a door wide open for the enemy to bring him temptation and snare him in a pit and trap of adultery.

After God showed me that, He started to speak to me about the heart of a person that is so at odds with their life, they implode. But not at first. They live with a feeling of unhappiness for a while, they may not show it, it’s deep and hidden so when they tell you they have been unhappy for a while, you are floored, you never saw that coming.

But something comes along and gives them a choice, entices them with the lure and bait of something amazing, better, happiness, a second chance. Where they had no way out or no choice, they suddenly do. And the enemy works hard to make them believe this lie that it’s OK to choose this path and it’s very acceptable and even pushed by the world. 

So, with this choice comes a decision. While they can reason with themselves, their family, their spouse and easily walk away; they can’t reason with God or His character. So, to do this thing, they have to walk away from Him OR enter into a place of total deception, closing their hearts to the truth. This is how can they leave the unhappy life behind and pursue a life of being FREE to be happy.

This is where deflection comes in. They blame God, the spouse, the job they are in and family. They blame EVERYTHING but themselves, so they can hide from the truth and be selfish. The lure and pull to this new life is the UTMOST temptation. Don’t underestimate this power. It’s so strong they are not able to even think about fixing what went wrong because they don’t want to. They just want the happiness that is dangled in front of them. 


They were NOT living in obedience and putting God first in their lives. No REAL, solid, intimate connection to God. Growing up, but not growing in maturity in the Lord. Some had no relationship with God, unbelieving. 

Husbands were not leading the family as they should be. Wives were not respecting their husbands. There was a serious breakdown in the area of love/respect. Too many spouses are seeking addictive substances, or are lost in fleshly pleasures. Many of us confessed that we were lukewarm in our walks when our marriages fell apart. And we could see that spouses walked away and hardened towards God’s truth, even to the extent of shunning Him completely.

God has set standards for His children. He expects us to take being a chosen Child of God seriously. Not only to protect our marriage and families, but to protect our souls from feeling so lost, broken, and abandoned. When we draw near to God, He draws near to us. But when we deal treacherously and faithlessly against Him, He turns His face away. That word treacherously means: By violating allegiance or faith pledged; by betraying a trust. When we don’t obey God, we are betraying Him. We can’t say the sinner’s prayer, and go on living a lukewarm life, where we don’t fully and totally surrender to Him. To be lukewarm means you are still keeping control of your life and have decided to keep God at a distance that you choose. God spews the lukewarm from Him,

I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were or or the other! But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth,” (NLT Revelations 3:15-16).

It’s easy for those that are cold and lukewarm to become hard, cold and rebellious towards God. They have had enough of ‘this’ life and they are going to live for themselves. OR they buy into the lie that God wants them happy, twisting scriptures to fit their new decisions. But it’s all the same. They are turning their hearts away from God’s will, plan, and design for their lives. They have chosen disobedience and lawlessness. They enter into a life where sin has no limits. Some of them completely change overnight from their decision to give their life totally over to sin.

The other people they get involved with, they pour their hearts out too and make their woes seem so great. They paint you out to be the reason for their lives being destroyed. The other person falls for this victim and is convinced they can be better, be a savior, and they jump on board to get them out of that bad marriage and help fix them. Together they fall into the trap of “happiness means more than holiness and God understands and doesn’t want us to suffer.”

The enemy is a powerful, cunning, persuasive being. And has many ideas and instruments to convince our spouses that what they are doing is best for all. They even believe because this new person agrees with everything, that they are the love of their life and soul mates. But they are bonding in something that is very evil. They are bonding together in the act of turning their back on God. They bond in the act of perishing. Even if they are seeking God and going to church, they are still not seeking the truth, but a lie.

“I will Shoulder the burden.”

It’s time for your spouse to get right with God. This is HIS burden He carries for HIS child.  God has claimed this burden as something HE will carry. He understands this “rift” between them, and HE will fix it. God knows their hearts, why they chose to give up their inheritance and identity.

Again, God is showing us that our spouses have FIRST made the decision to turn their backs on God. Being envious of those that are arrogant and proud and feeling they are BLESSED, (See Malachi below) we have failed to really understand what our spouses have chosen, and have fallen into the trap of taking this very personal, feeling they have FIRST turned their backs on US. Therefore, we carry the full weight and burden upon our shoulders of abandonment and betrayal. But God is saying, this is HIS BURDEN. They have turned against HIM, and with that also came a turning away from you. God WILL fix this. And, we partner with Him in prayer AND OBEDIENCE!

Don’t let the enemy torment you and make you feel this is your fault and you’re responsible for fixing it. And DON’T let him make you feel this is only between you and your spouse. This really is about God, and it’s always been about God!

We ARE to pray in partnership as we enter spiritual warfare, but the heavy burden is God’s!


Jesus answered, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to Me will never hunger, and whoever believes in Me will never thirst.  But as I stated, you have seen Me and still you do not believe. Everyone the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will never drive away. For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but to do the will of Him who sent Me.

And this is the will of Him who sent Me, that I shall lose none of those He has given Me, but raise them up at the last day. For it is My Father’s will that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in Him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day.”  John 6:35-40 BSB

Standing with You,
Sheila Hollinger