Sometimes we have very stubborn places and something comes along with a strong enough force to create a huge crack. It rattles us. It sends huge shockwaves into our life and for a time we readjust. But we learn to live with the huge crack and even double up our stubbornness and life goes on. Unchanged. 

We may see this violation and even welcome it, knowing we need to change. we think, “Wow, God’s up to something. My breakthrough is happening!” 

I’ve had so many strong forces come at my stubborn places and cause huge waves of shock, thinking surely this must be my breakthrough. Only to find myself years later still fortified and stuck in the stronghold. You see this with additions and places where people use certain things to cope, escape or as crutches. Very strong stubborn places that won’t loosen the grip. Codependency is one of them, so is generational roots and curses.

This week, as I prayed about stubborn places and strongholds that have tight holds on our spouses and even us, here is the message I received from the Lord.

Sometimes He comes like a battering ram to knock down that stronghold. And it brings awareness that we need to change. We need to partner with Him and allow Him access. But we don’t. He quietly waits and we don’t feel the pressure to change so we go back to life as it was. 

During my storm, I was set free from control. But it was not the first time God had tried to help me. God convicted me many times of my controlling nature. Of my self-pity. Of being manipulative and guilting my husband to get what I wanted. But because He came at me with a partnership approach, much like when Moses said “Be still, God will fight for you.” And God said “No I won’t! Why are you standing there? MOVE! Use that rod and staff and part the sea. MOVE.” But later, as the wilderness became so uncomfortable, the children of God complained and wanted to go BACK to SLAVERY! (See Numbers 14:3) I walked away back to slavery. It was way easier than picking up my staff, parting the sea, and entering that wilderness place that was too painful for the flesh. I would rather be enslaved to the sin because it was comfortable. So I remained controlling and manipulative.

 People don’t usually accept pain, and being uncomfortable unless the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change.

I was comfortable taking the less painful journey, until God’s intervention. Let me tell you something. Intervention is not pretty. Waiting till it’s too late to change because you’re too uncomfortable with making your flesh suffer forces God to MAKE your change for you. And while His ways are best, they are painful. Much more painful than if you had partnered with Him and worked through it breaking by breaking.  

Job 5:12 He frustrates the devices of the crafty so that their hands achieve no success. 13 He catches the wise in their own craftiness, and the schemes of the wily are brought to a quick end.

17“Behold, blessed is the one whom God reproves; therefore despise not the discipline of the Almighty. 18 For He wounds, but He binds up; He shatters, but His hands heal.

Our spouses are going to have the same experiences. Partnering with God’s conviction to change, repent, turn away from things not part of His will, or suffer the intervention that forces change and brings repentance. This is how God handles His children most often. For some, He has very long endurance and it seems they get away with things way longer than they should, while you are on a much shorter “leash” and have much less grace and wiggle room to be stubborn and rebellious. If you are not careful, this chastisement, or training, this growing and stretching, pruning season can be misunderstood as rejection toward you and seeing God’s grace toward them as acceptance and blessing.

“I’m doing everything right and nothing is going right for me. I’m praying, going to church, serving, reading the Word and my life is worse. God’s forgotten me! My spouse is doing everything wrong and God’s blessing them!!! I don’t feel loved by God at all. I may as well give up and turn to sin.”

My son, do not reject the discipline of the LORD, and do not loathe His rebuke; Proverbs 3:11

God is so wise and knows what each person needs. He knows when they become ready to change, but instead of that ripe fruit falling from the vine, they stubbornly remain attached. That’s when God’s strong wind will come and force it to fall. He much prefers us to hear His gentle call to change, repent, and give up what is not pleasing to Him and He will help and guide us to freedom. 

He also sincerely understands the power of coping, co-dependency, addiction, and how some are really trapped and can’t break free as much as they want to. He understands how deep the pit, strong the snare, and wide the gap is to freedom.

Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger 

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(~Marriage Revealed Ministries Inc. is committed to helping bring healing and restoration to couples who are struggling in their marriage. We do this through the revelation of Who God is and His heart and design for marriage which never intends abuse in any form. If you suspect abuse in your relationship, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit them online at thehotline.org~