Do you ever bicker with God? You know, when you know you are wrong, but you try and argue and justify? When your flesh is really hurt, offended, and trying to convince you that being a doormat is not something it is going to tolerate.

I had one particular bickering session during my storm. I went through the laundry basket and pulled all my husband’s clothes out. I put mine in the washer and put his back into the basket. 

“He is treating me horribly. If he is going to disrespect me and our marriage, I don’t have to respect him. Respect is EARNED not freely given. I am NOT washing his clothes.” Is what I told myself to justify his pile of dirty laundry.

“Yes, you are!”
“But Jesus….”
“I washed Judas’s FEET; my betrayer. Are you more deserving than I that you can’t wash your husband’s CLOTHES?”

Scared He was going to ask me to wash my husband’s feet. I quickly threw his clothes into the washer. “Fine, but I’m not putting in soap.”

….”fine, I’ll but I am not putting in fabric softer!”
“Seriously? Fine, but I am not folding and putting away!”

Jesus wouldn’t budge-not one bit. He wasn’t satisfied with the state of my heart and mind as I did my husband’s laundry, paid his bills, cooked his dinner, or included his things on my shopping list. He wasn’t trying to force me to do this with a begrudging heart, He was trying to change my heart so it was more like His. 

I had an issue. A reason in my heart that I felt that if he was disrespecting me, our marriage, our marriage bed….I didn’t have to honor him. Didn’t have to serve him. Didn’t have to respect him. I no longer had to love him unconditionally because he no longer deserved my love.

 My heart, mind, soul screamed that allowing him to treat me this way and not defend myself, stand up for myself and demand him to change was wrong. That I was being a foolish desperate woman who would stoop so low, degrade herself, her value and worth if I did not demand to be treated as I deserved.

The world defines a doormat as being submissive to treatment that is: unfair, unjust, unreasonable, disrespectful. Doormats allow this treatment without defending themselves or demanding change. 

Even though I had been a Christian for 20 years, I was a worldly Christian who still embraced the world’s belief system. I had refused to be set apart because telling your flesh no was going against pleasure, happiness, comfort, and ease. The flesh chooses the ways of the world, and the world had taught me that when my spouse wronged me I no longer had to act the same way I would act toward a spouse who treated me right because the sin removed their value and rights. 

Jesus teaches us to love like Him

If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Matthew 5:46

The reason Jesus wanted me to continue to be his wife and continue my duties without expectations, was because He was trying to teach me about a type of love that I wasn’t able to understand. A love that was only found in the Kingdom of God and sown out to others through us. The love that attracts people and shows them Who Jesus is through us. This love won’t come when we do things with a begrudging heart. 

This love can only be developed when we love through undesirable, unloveable, and undeserved conditions. A love that comes only when we are treated wrongly, unfairly, and unreasonably. (Disclaimer: This is article is not intended for those who are suffering abuse)

Let’s explore where this is explained plainly in the Word of God by Peter, in 1 Peter chapter 2 and 3.

Peter uses the example of Jesus and how He was treated unfair, but let GOD be the one to vindicate Him. but entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly.

Since man separated the chapters, this crucial message to husbands and wives is being lost to the church. Instead, the world’s doormat mentality in the body of Christ has been allowed to run rampant.

Peter is giving clear, concise directions in his lesson to those who have the heart and desire to sincerely follow Jesus, be His disciple and follow His perfect example. This sincere desire will come when we keep warring against the flesh that is trying to corrupt our souls and keep us bound in the ways of the world.

Study what Peter is saying here and how he is showing you the difference between a servant of God who loves Jesus and wants to follow, or someone who loves the world and is unwilling to conform.  

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 1 John 2:15


 1 Peter 2:19-2 through Peter 3:7 Berean Study Bible

But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God.

21 For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His footsteps:

22 “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in His mouth.”  23 When they heaped abuse on Him, He did not retaliate;  when He suffered, He made no threats, but entrusted Himself to Him who judges justly. 24 He Himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. “By His stripes you are healed.”

25 For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.

 1 Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your husbands, so that even if they refuse to believe the word, they will be won over without words by the behavior of their wives 2 when they see your pure and reverent demeanor.

3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as braided hair or gold jewelry or fine clothes, 4 but from the inner disposition of your heart, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in God’s sight. 5 For this is how the holy women of the past adorned themselves. They put their hope in God and were subject to their husbands, 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him lord. And you are her children if you do what is right and refuse to quiver in fear.

7 Husbands, in the same way, treat your wives with consideration as a delicate vessel, and with honor as fellow heirs of the gracious gift of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger