I remember crying out to God to help me understand what was going on. I knew there were deeper things that I just could not figure out. The dreams God gave me helped me to see that what was going on NOW was because of what had gone wrong during childhood. I tried to put two-and-two together, piecing what God showed me, what my spouse had told me about his past, and his actions and behaviors to things, but I could not see the whole clear picture. I just knew this was far deeper and greater than I could understand.
I remember when I went through my own inner healing time to deal with my childhood. I was in a good church, surrounded by loving people, who were strong spiritually. They prayed and helped me uncover and root out things of my past that had to go. I was in good strong hands; they walked me through this with God’s help………..and I was still a basket case. I thought I was losing my mind at times as those strongholds surfaced and I had to face the lies. What I was taught about myself as a child, through rejection and subjection to a very evil and unstable dad, had imprinted deeply upon who and what I believed about myself. No matter how hard I tried to believe in what God said about me, I was blocked! I had strongholds that had to come down.
I truly believe a person’s past will catch up to them and all those unhealthy mindsets and strongholds that hinder us from knowing who we are must be exposed. It can either be done with God’s help through a safe environment or the alternative we, as Standers, see our spouses take.
We see this happen to the married couple. Seven or more years into the marriage, sometime in persons 30’s or 40’s, that past is going to come knocking. The world calls it a midlife crisis- I call it a spiritual crisis. We fully hope during this time, both spouses are going to deal with their past and who they have become, overcoming that which keeps them from truly surrendering ALL things to God. But they are going to deal with it differently.
The believing Stander is going to seek God to help them get their spouse and marriage back. What they don’t realize is, as they turned to God to help them, they positioned themselves in such a place that God is going to do a full spiritual and internal makeover! He is going after the heart of a person that has been lukewarm, or not living fully in their calling and identity. The Stand will uncover and expose many things to the Stander about themselves. It will root out pride, fear, rebellion, control and anything else that was planted in them long ago. It will clear out any wrong beliefs and misconceptions they have about God. It will teach a man to be the headship of his home, how to love his wife as Christ loves the church, and to lead his family correctly! The woman to be a help to her husband, loving him through her respect and honor as she gives way and lets him lead as he should.
The Stand, which at first presents itself as pure hell, can turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to a person. I can, with all honestly tell you this. I could not look at myself in the mirror before my Stand. I absolutely hated myself. But Standing saved me! It ripped out all the bad stuff and showed me who I was and meant to be. It introduced me to my Father!
For my spouse, I can’t even begin to explain what went on with him. But I know through this trial, God was leading him to revisit his past and root out the same type of issues that I had to root out. We both went through the same thing, but through different means and methods. He has been changed through this as well for the better.
I turned to God to save my marriage, my husband turned to sin to run away from life, but God used this time capture our hearts and teach us Who He was and ensure our places in eternity with Him. God will use any situation for His good and help His kids. I know that what the enemy used to destroy us, God used to save us.
Don’t try to figure it out, just TRUST HIM. We are not psychologists, and even if you are, you still have to trust God because He sees the heart and knows how to get us there. Both you and your spouse have a path to walk. Walk your path, stay focused……..and I pray you both meet up at the cross!
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7
Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger