There were many times in my Stand that I had to stand guard and fiercely defend my love from growing cold. I had small seasons where I felt numb, with no love at all, but the times where I felt the coldness of my own heart is what scared me the most. That is where I felt I could honestly let this man and our marriage go.

When I asked God to help me because I did not trust those feelings. And I did not like where the feelings originated from. His sins and the pain he had caused me were why my heart was growing cold. Becuase I kept focused on what was being done to me, his wickedness, it was bringing me such offence, that my heart wanted to harden to the pain.

Matthew 24:12 speaks of loving growing cold because of “Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold,” I never realized that was ME included.


I thought it was absurd. But I did it. Through gritted teeth, I spit out the words and got up and left the couch to go hide in the kitchen from God. Apparently, I thought God didn’t like my kitchen? Again, I heard Him “Speak out, I LOVE MY HUSBAND” Who would have thunk it? God followed me into the kitchen? But seriously, He had an answer to my prayer, and I did not like it. I just wanted Him to give me the love feelings and remove my cold heart and THEN I would say I loved him.

But there really is something to the whole “fear the Lord” thing because it’s what made me be obedient!

I said it again. And He had me say it again and again and again until I was on the floor of the living room sobbing because I DID LOVE THAT DARN MAN! He was a butthead, but he was MY BUTTHEAD and when I reconnected with those words of “I LOVE MY HUSBAND” AND I acted in obedience, God healed me of my cold heart.

But now I felt again. And I felt the hurts and rejection. “Now what God?” So He had me speak out “I forgive my husband.”

Wait? What? “While in active sin God?”

But that is what God had me do. Every day, several times a day, I spoke those things out. And sometimes I got so fired up and it led me into an all-out warfare battle speaking my rights and authority into the atmosphere. But it all came out of those two powerful things. Love and forgiveness!

This was where my heart lined up with God and I prayed from THAT place. Not from a cold heart. Or an angry heart.

Speak it out and keep speaking it until the coldness breaks off you. Declare it until you reconnect with love and feel that love for your spouse.

Don’t Stand because it’s the LEGAL thing to do. That opens the door to anger and bitterness. We don’t follow God because we have to, but because of LOVE. If you remove love from your Stand, and only are doing it because of obedience, then something important is missing. 

Everything we Stand FOR is rooted in love!
Guard and protect your hearts.

Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger