Words have power, but that power can be diminished when our behavior is contradictory. Hearing one thing, while they do another can bring great confusion and doubts and ruin credibility. Your behavior has even more power, as it brings the power to SHOW Who Jesus is!


“So that even if they refuse to believe the word, they will be WON OVER without words by the behavior,” 1 Peter 3:1.


But there is always a flip side. Just as we can win them over, we can turn them away. 

I’m still learning how my behavior has an effect on my husband and family. I have gotten the zipped lips part down for the most part. But I realize that when I really want to take matters into my own hands and get my way, I won’t use words like I used to. I will behave in a certain way. I can show my husband how I feel about something through my behavior.

Our behavior and how we treat our spouses is very important. We can do more with attitude than we can with words because it leaves a lot of room for accusations and analyzing.

Our behavior reveals if we are walking in the fruit of the Holy Spirit which is self-control, or if we are ruled by our feelings, emotions led by our carnal desires. Who is being revealed by your behavior? Jesus or satan?


What behavior looks like?

A husband that is too busy and distracted, ignoring his wife, will cause her to feel insecure and unloved. Especially if she has to be the one to initiate contact all the time. When a husband is not acting in love towards the children, she will feel confused about how he feels about her. If your wife spends the day cleaning and you come in, and within moments undo all her hard work, she will feel unappreciated.

Wives, men can have their identity and purpose very attached to money and responsibility. The home they are to provide and protect. If they see it as being mistreated, unkept, they can feel it’s not valued and appreciated. The same with being wise with money and not wasteful.  We can say we love and respect, but when we waste money, a man will feel disrespected and unloved. 

Let’s talk about controlling behavior. We may zip our lips, but our attitudes can control through pouting, silent treatment, seduction, rebellion.  

I had a Stander go through a false start several times because she could not let go that her husband came home and because of his shame and guilt, was distant and withdrawn. He was also trying to break free from drugs and the OW. She wanted all her needs met, him to reassure her, be affectionate and loving. So, she wore all her pain on her face. She let him know through her pout, her silence, how unhappy she was that he was not meeting her needs. She didn’t reach out and give him affection, she even stopped making him meals. Just served herself. She felt unloved and because restoration didn’t look like what she wanted, she rejected and unloved him back.

He left. I can only imagine what went through his head and heart as his wife was cold and distant to him. He had no clue what she wanted. I’m sure he felt unwelcome and that she wanted him gone. Even though she told him she was glad he was home, her behavior told him otherwise.

We can behave through accusations and mistrust. Behaving in jealousy and suspicion while saying “I forgive you.”


Behaving with words

 Saying I am giving this to God, letting go and trusting God to take care of this. BUT we behave as a person that doesn’t trust God at all and take the matter into our own hands through using our words to convince them to change.

Behaving with outbursts of anger, offense, suspicions, jealousy. Your words may not affect them as much as the behavior that came with that temper tantrum, or the interrogation for 2 hours over why they didn’t answer their phone and were late.

Pride, unforgiveness, unhealed pain, and bitterness will alter and affect our behavior tremendously. Behavior can reveal all the harboring resentments and misgivings you hold inside.


Where CAN our behavior come from?

The thing with behavior, it’s a direct link to what is in our hearts. Your behavior will reflect what you believe, your fears, your expectations. If you feel a gentle nudge of the Holy Spirit trying to help you see your behavior is not right, seek Him in prayer for healing and uncovering the cause. Never let it be ok to have unfruitful behavior.

Remember, they are WON over to JESUS by our behavior!

 2 when they see your pure and reverent demeanor. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as braided hair or gold jewelry or fine clothes, 4 but from the inner disposition of your heart, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in God’s sight. 5 For this is how the holy women of the past adorned themselves. They put their hope in God and were subject to their husbands, 6just as Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him lord. And you are her children if you do what is right and refuse to quiver in fear. 1 Peter 3:2-6

When your HOPE is in God, when your faith, your trust, your confidence is so beautifully grounded IN HIM, your behavior will reflect that. If your behavior is displaying anything less than this is an area that has not been grounded IN Him.

Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger

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