“Is there ever a time to say enough?”
“When do you know it’s time to quit?”
“I asked God for a sign and right after things got way worse, was that my sign?”

 When you are not seeing encouragement, good fruit, change in the right direction, and progress,  you may start to question if you are in God’s will. Did He tell you to Stand? Did you really hear Him say it?

And then you have all the opposition!! Standing for your marriage while everything and everyone is coming against it is normal. I repeat, normal AND biblical!

Many of us have lived a life of following the flow and letting the world and circumstances lead us. Never having to stand firm, fight, hold our ground, and oppose those who oppose us.

We usually follow after what is producing QUICK positive results and are quick to turn away from pain and what appears to be bad fruits. Not many have learned to follow the Word of God, let alone be completely obedient to it.

We have become a people that LEAN ON OUR OWN UNDERSTANDING, instead of what God tells us,

Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

And leaning on that understanding is what will lead us to believe that if something is painful, it’s not what God wants for us. If something is not producing good fruit right now then it can’t be the right path. If everyone is calling you crazy, if you feel like a fool, then no way would this be God, right? WRONG! THIS is what living a life in the world, not transformed by the Word will do, help us lean on our wrong understanding.

So what do we look at? How do we determine if we are called to Stand? First, let’s look at all the available options of what has a voice and can be persuading you.

  1. What are your circumstances telling you?.
  2. What are your thoughts, feelings, and emotions are telling you?
  3. What is your spouse telling you?
  4. What are your family, friends, co-workers, church, or pastor are telling you?
  5. What are your heart and mind telling?
  6. What are God, His Will, His Word and His design for your marriage telling you?

CIRCUMSTANCES — Biblically, anytime God made a promise of something to come, the EXACT opposite happened first. The worst of the worst opposition would come to steal the promise.

  • David was promised to be King but was chased, hunted and tormented by Saul, having to hide the wilderness for many years.
  • Joseph was promised a great position of authority, but he was thrown into a pit, sold into slavery, lived in prison.
  • Esther was made Queen, but her people were sentenced to be extinguished.

So…..circumstances are NOT a tool to be used to determine if you should Stand. In FACT, circumstances will tell you NOT TO STAND!

FEELINGS/EMOTIONS — Feelings and emotions will emerge as a direct result of the negative circumstances that arrive. Even no contact, hearing, seeing nothing new can be considered a negative circumstance and bring up feelings of hurt and pain. Getting your feelings hurt, and becoming angry will trigger a natural reply to avoid what is hurting you.

Therefore, feelings will tell you to stop putting your hand in the fire; it hurts… to stop standing. So……feelings and emotions are NOT a tool to be used to determine if you should Stand. In FACT, feelings/emotions will tell you NOT TO STAND.

SPOUSE’S INPUTWhen a spouse has come to the crossroads of temptation to walk away from God’s will, marriage, family and responsibility Jesus explains that a hard heart is the cause. Mk 10:5 From this hard heart state, love is dormant. Anger, pain, pride and rebellion comes forth. They truly believe they are done with the marriage and even God because their heart has no more feelings. They are bound is such darkness, hearing the will of the enemy, and they will repeat all those lies back to you. Your spouse’s words are NOT Truth to help you determine if you should Stand.

So……your spouse’s words/behaviors, requests, beliefs are NOT a tool to be used to determine if you should Stand. In FACT, your spouse will tell you NOT TO STAND.

OTHERS’ INPUT — The world has embraced that marriage is not a lifelong institution. That adultery is glamorous and as soon as your spouse displeases you, move on and find someone better. The church has embraced and promoted,” You SHOULD divorce if there has been adultery.” Instead of teaching the truth about God’s divine design for marriage. Others would never tell you to stop standing and give up on a lost child, but because they don’t want to see you hurt, and see their is a ‘replacement’ option for you, they believe giving up and moving on is the only and best option.

So……other people’s words, advice, experience, beliefs are NOT a tool to be used to determine if you should Stand. In FACT, most everyone will tell you NOT TO STAND.

ME, MYSELF, and I –Every day, you will battle yourself. The days the circumstances are painful, you will want to quit to escape the pain. The days that you are at peace, you will want to quit because you love the peace and don’t want to enter into pain again. The days that you feel numb, you will question if you are meant to Stand. The seasons where you feel NO love at all for your spouse will bring doubts and confusion against Standing. 

Your feelings and emotions are flesh and soul controlled and should never have a say in your decisions. That is why the Word of God tells us to die to the flesh and live with the mind of Christ. 

So……what you believe is NOT a tool to be used to determine if you should Stand. In FACT, you will tell yourself NOT TO STAND.


Being obedient to God means dying to what the circumstances, feelings, others’ input, and our own self-wants. Seeking GOD and HIS Word as the absolute source to get our answers.

Don’t look at the circumstances. Don’t listen to what your spouse or family is telling you. Don’t let your feelings and emotions persuade you. And lastly, tell yourself to be OBEDIENT to God.

Jesus says that only those that do the will of the Father know Him. He says, the rest will depart from Me, I never knew you. Matt 7:21 How do you know the will of the Father? By READING the Word of God!



When you have a wobbly understanding of why you are Standing, your stance will wobble. You will forget, be easily persuaded to quit. If you are Standing solely for the restoration of your marriage and not for the soul of your spouse, then your Stand is on sinking sand. So no matter how firm and determined you are, it’s not on the solid ground of truth.

Here is a sobering fact. We all know how big the Word of God is. How much wisdom, direction, and guidance it has. How it teaches us what the MOST IMPORTANT THING should be? Right? How much of the bible is directed at teaching us about marriage? But how much is about lost souls? About people who are in mortal peril and in need of a Savior?

What does God care more about……..your marriage being restored or you both being restored to HIM FIRST and being secured a place in eternity with Him FIRST. Standing must always be grounded on being EQUALLY yoked with your spouse. Both of you having an intimate and personal relationship with God. 

Your marriage should MIRROR God, not replace Him!

Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger