I met my husband In 2002. On the first date, I fell in love.

I knew God, I was a Gospel singer who was trying to hit the big time. I backslid. My husband was a church man with his own demons. I thought he was too good for me, so I pretended to be something I wasn’t.

I was in a relationship with another man when I met my husband. He didn’t know it, but I broke it off with the other man after my second date with my husband. Within a month of meeting my husband, I moved in. Big mistake. Living in sin brought nothing but drama and pain. We continued in this downhill spiral and bought a house together. It wasn’t long before my husband started cheating. It hurt but I always forgave him.

I began cheating emotionally online with other men. I soon straightened up and went to God telling Him that I want to be married to this man and living in sin was torturing me. Well, my husband (boyfriend at the time) wasn’t ready to settle down. Even though he said he was being faithful, he said he didn’t need a piece of paper to make a commitment. (Lies from the enemy.) I would beg him to marry me but I was still playing the role of wife.

Well, one day my world would go into a deep, dark space I never knew existed. I found out the man I loved was falling in love with another woman. The cheating I could handle, but the emotional connection destroyed me. I found pictures, videos, and text. I had a nervous breakdown and I literally couldn’t speak. I couldn’t form words. I couldn’t keep from shaking uncontrollably.

This sent us into a back-and-forth drama, deception, and crazy madness. I would break down and cry and then stop and get on my knees and beg him to stay with me. The next day I would say “pack your bags and go with her I don’t want you.” The next day I would cry and sob and beg him to stay with me.

That drama lasted for a while. This other woman was something I wasn’t. She was wealthy; I wasn’t. She had everything; I didn’t. She didn’t have children; I did. We were not married so I didn’t have anything to stand on even though I tried to stay and wait for him I couldn’t do it. I met another man and moved quickly into his home. To make the long story short, a year later my husband and I eventually got back together and married.

I had to tell you that story in order to let you know the background before marriage. I guess during our marriage I never got over that pain. I’ve never felt pain like that in my life and it caused PTSD in me, on top of all the other stuff that we did to each other during those years.

I wasn’t myself when we got married. I turned into a controlling person who wouldn’t let him bully me and I never wanted to be a pushover again. Six months into our marriage, he cheated again. This time it didn’t hurt me – it just made me angry because he hurt me so much before that I could never hurt like that again.

When I found out about this woman, I decided I was going to cheat, as well, so I did. At first, it was hard then it got easier and easier. For two years we lived together married but acting like we were both single. We knew each other was cheating but we didn’t know for sure because we didn’t have any evidence. At times I didn’t want to be married to him anymore and at times I wanted to be a loving wife and married. We both were headstrong people and we had no respect for each other. We fought all the time and neither ever wanted to admit to being wrong.

For a long time, we didn’t have a physical relationship. I would move out and move back in we would split up get back together. We decided to start going to the gym together. I lost weight and I felt amazing.

My husband introduced me to his friend, a trainer who owned a gym. He became my trainer and he told me everything I never heard from my husband. He made me feel like I was the most beautiful woman on earth and we began to have an affair. I knew he was married but the sin in me didn’t even care. I was never the type person that would be with a married man. I was against that from the time I was little girl.

I stopped the affair after our second time being together.

During this time, my husband and I were getting along and I made the decision to work on our marriage.

A little time went by and all of a sudden this random girl pops up into our life that I didn’t know. I knew her ex-husband because I went to school with him. It was rumored that I had an affair with him years ago which I never did at this point. She decided that she wanted my husband since she thought I had an affair with hers. She started some drama and told lies about me that my husband believed. My husband and I got into an argument and I left. The very next day when I decided to come home and I caught her pulling out of my driveway so, of course, I had to follow her and confront her in a gas station parking lot.

After the confrontation with this girl, I drove home and to confront my husband. It got so bad the cops were called. At the time, my husband didn’t care. He laughed at me and I cussed him out. I packed my bags and left again.

I forgot to tell you during this entire time my best friend, my husband’s sister, was Standing for her marriage.
Her husband had walked out on her and their children. I was praying for the Restoration of their marriage at the same time as I was out sinning and doing what I wanted to do. She had no clue what I was doing. She’s the first person who introduced me to Standing so I knew what Standing was, but I never cared much about my marriage being restored. I was the one saying “Divorce” move on.

Now back to confronting my husband…
After I left, I moved in with my best friend. I was sitting watching TV when I got a phone call from a number I didn’t know. I never answer those calls but for some reason this one I answered. The person calling was the ex-husband of the woman that satan used to start drama in my marriage.

We started talking and like I said we had been friends all our lives and I never gave him a second thoug