I met my husband In 2002. On the first date, I fell in love.
I knew God, I was a Gospel singer who was trying to hit the big time. I backslid. My husband was a church man with his own demons. I thought he was too good for me, so I pretended to be something I wasn’t.
I was in a relationship with another man when I met my husband. He didn’t know it, but I broke it off with the other man after my second date with my husband. Within a month of meeting my husband, I moved in. Big mistake. Living in sin brought nothing but drama and pain. We continued in this downhill spiral and bought a house together. It wasn’t long before my husband started cheating. It hurt but I always forgave him.
I began cheating emotionally online with other men. I soon straightened up and went to God telling Him that I want to be married to this man and living in sin was torturing me. Well, my husband (boyfriend at the time) wasn’t ready to settle down. Even though he said he was being faithful, he said he didn’t need a piece of paper to make a commitment. (Lies from the enemy.) I would beg him to marry me but I was still playing the role of wife.
Well, one day my world would go into a deep, dark space I never knew existed. I found out the man I loved was falling in love with another woman. The cheating I could handle, but the emotional connection destroyed me. I found pictures, videos, and text. I had a nervous breakdown and I literally couldn’t speak. I couldn’t form words. I couldn’t keep from shaking uncontrollably.
This sent us into a back-and-forth drama, deception, and crazy madness. I would break down and cry and then stop and get on my knees and beg him to stay with me. The next day I would say “pack your bags and go with her I don’t want you.” The next day I would cry and sob and beg him to stay with me.
That drama lasted for a while. This other woman was something I wasn’t. She was wealthy; I wasn’t. She had everything; I didn’t. She didn’t have children; I did. We were not married so I didn’t have anything to stand on even though I tried to stay and wait for him I couldn’t do it. I met another man and moved quickly into his home. To make the long story short, a year later my husband and I eventually got back together and married.
I had to tell you that story in order to let you know the background before marriage. I guess during our marriage I never got over that pain. I’ve never felt pain like that in my life and it caused PTSD in me, on top of all the other stuff that we did to each other during those years.
I wasn’t myself when we got married. I turned into a controlling person who wouldn’t let him bully me and I never wanted to be a pushover again. Six months into our marriage, he cheated again. This time it didn’t hurt me – it just made me angry because he hurt me so much before that I could never hurt like that again.
When I found out about this woman, I decided I was going to cheat, as well, so I did. At first, it was hard then it got easier and easier. For two years we lived together married but acting like we were both single. We knew each other was cheating but we didn’t know for sure because we didn’t have any evidence. At times I didn’t want to be married to him anymore and at times I wanted to be a loving wife and married. We both were headstrong people and we had no respect for each other. We fought all the time and neither ever wanted to admit to being wrong.
For a long time, we didn’t have a physical relationship. I would move out and move back in we would split up get back together. We decided to start going to the gym together. I lost weight and I felt amazing.
My husband introduced me to his friend, a trainer who owned a gym. He became my trainer and he told me everything I never heard from my husband. He made me feel like I was the most beautiful woman on earth and we began to have an affair. I knew he was married but the sin in me didn’t even care. I was never the type person that would be with a married man. I was against that from the time I was little girl.
I stopped the affair after our second time being together.
During this time, my husband and I were getting along and I made the decision to work on our marriage.
A little time went by and all of a sudden this random girl pops up into our life that I didn’t know. I knew her ex-husband because I went to school with him. It was rumored that I had an affair with him years ago which I never did at this point. She decided that she wanted my husband since she thought I had an affair with hers. She started some drama and told lies about me that my husband believed. My husband and I got into an argument and I left. The very next day when I decided to come home and I caught her pulling out of my driveway so, of course, I had to follow her and confront her in a gas station parking lot.
After the confrontation with this girl, I drove home and to confront my husband. It got so bad the cops were called. At the time, my husband didn’t care. He laughed at me and I cussed him out. I packed my bags and left again.
I forgot to tell you during this entire time my best friend, my husband’s sister, was Standing for her marriage.
Her husband had walked out on her and their children. I was praying for the Restoration of their marriage at the same time as I was out sinning and doing what I wanted to do. She had no clue what I was doing. She’s the first person who introduced me to Standing so I knew what Standing was, but I never cared much about my marriage being restored. I was the one saying “Divorce” move on.
Now back to confronting my husband…
After I left, I moved in with my best friend. I was sitting watching TV when I got a phone call from a number I didn’t know. I never answer those calls but for some reason this one I answered. The person calling was the ex-husband of the woman that satan used to start drama in my marriage.
We started talking and like I said we had been friends all our lives and I never gave him a second thought until that day. During our conversation, my mind started wondering about what life would be like with this man. I was still upset over my husband so I went back to my house and my husband and I talked and decided to work things out.
The one thing I didn’t do was let go of my friendship with this other man. While we were working on our marriage, I continued this friendship with this other man and that grew and grew into something bigger. I started falling in love with this other man. We started a sexual relationship – all while still with my husband and my husband knew something was up with me because I was changing.
I started drinking heavily. I started not keeping our house clean because I was so into the other man that I began focusing my entire life around him.
Finally, one day I wrote a “Dear John” letter to my husband and I moved in with this other Man. Now, this other man was just released after 5 years of prison. He was living in his mother’s house and his mother was a practicing witch who would not allow Jesus in her home.
I was so engulfed in sin that I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought God had sent this man to me to rescue me from my marriage. I was convinced that God wanted me to divorce my husband and be with this other man. In the meantime, I was ignoring my husband’s calls, texts and Facebook messages. I refused to answer calls from my best friend (his sister) and I refused to answer or read any texts from our Christian friends. My husband didn’t know what was going on.
I continued this life of sin drinking, being with this man, and thinking in my head that this was God-sent. Little did I know that during all this, my husband repented to God and fell to his knees and rededicated his life to Christ. He began fasting and “Standing” for us.
While I was living with the other man my husband’s prayers would wake me in the middle of the night. God one night broke down the walls in that wicked house and told me to go home. I literally confronted God and said “No” you cant make me.. Well he didn’t make me, but he made sure I was miserable until I did
The beginning of a new life.
I packed all my bags and I told the other man “Look, I love you and I want to be with you but living here in sin while I’m still married is tormenting me. Today, I have an appointment at 5 o’clock with the lawyer and I’ll pay in full for the divorce. Once the divorce is complete then we can move back in together but today I’m going to move in with my son.”
He didn’t take it well. He was sad and so was I, but I packed all of my things into my truck along with my two little doggies.
As I drove away from his mom’s house, I called my husband and said, “can you keep the dogs while I move into my son’s house and I will come back and get them in a few days?”
My husband’s words were, “Just come home.”
I rolled my eyes and said, “I’m just dropping off the dogs. I’ve got an appointment at 5 to finalize the divorce.”
I drove home and got out of my truck and walked into the garage where my husband was. This was the first time he had seen me in very long time – since I left him. The first thing he did was hug me and he started praying.
While he was holding me and praying I rolled my eyes and laughed because I knew I wasn’t staying and he was absolutely wasting his time. He anointed my head with oil. I promptly wiped it off.
We walked into the house and I knew that I did not want to be there. He asked me to sit down; I did while keeping my eye on the time. That’s when my husband came clean confessing to me all of his sins. He began to cry and told me that he’d been praying, fasting and Standing for our marriage and that he wanted me to stay.
I was angry. I said “why would you want me? Look at all that I have done to you! You deserve better than me.”
He said, “You are my wife. We took a vow to God. We can make this work if you are willing.”
Now granted, I was very skinny. I was losing weight like crazy not even trying to, but thinking about it I think it was demonic.
I was very antsy. I couldn’t stop gritting my teeth and I couldn’t stop being angry. My eyes were huge and I felt like I was on speed – which I wasn’t. I said “Look, I’ll stay here but if you make me mad – I’m gone.”
I still did not want to be with him. But brought my suitcase inside and stayed packed for 2 weeks. I didn’t make it at 5:00 to the lawyers’ office. When I broke it off with the other man, I felt horribly guilty and that started all kinds of drama in itself. For a while, I really did want to go back to the other man. I was forcing myself to stay with my husband because I knew what the word of God said.
One day, I broke. I fell to my knees and I cried uncontrollably, begging God to forgive me and begging my husband to forgive me. I fell into his arms and I fell in love with my husband at that moment. Immediately I had deliverance. I got into my Bible, I dug into the word and I finally realized what a Holy Covenant with God was. I am 46 years old and I finally figured out that a Holy Covenant with God is something you don’t take lightly and you cannot break it.
Since being restored it has not been easy. There are new enemies that come after you but now we know how to fight them and we know why they are coming after us. It has been a struggle but this struggle is one that I am honestly willing to fight.
I love my husband so much. I have a new respect for him and I have a new respect for our marriage. I also have a new respect for marriages period.
I want to mention that I went to everyone I hurt and I confessed what I did including the other woman whose husband who was the trainer. I begged her to forgive me and I confessed everything to her and her being the godly woman that she was, she hugged me and said she forgives me.
Just keep your faith and Stand strong. If God told you to Stand then don’t question Him.
God’s Blessings to each of you,
~RESTORED IN HIM!
