“I am tired of caring, tired of suffering; I don’t want to pray for them anymore, I just DON’T care. I want to be selfish and put ME first; I want my heart hard and cold. Standing is stupid, cruel, and a waste of time; I have NO guarantee of a restored marriage!!”

I think many Standers will have stuff like this run through their thoughts when pain comes intensely upon them. I call these “knee-jerk” reactions. What they are really flesh reactions. When the soul is wounded, you will have a response in the soul from the heart that summons self-protection, usually, pride will come to the rescue — forcing humility to step aside.

But sometimes they are not knee jerk, but a built-up conclusion that was formed over time. After years of Standing with things getting worse, they are just DONE. Any unresolved offense which was not forgiven will manifest itself into this.

I can’t tell you how many times I begged God to alter His plans and use mine. How many times I told Him I can’t do this another day, handle another blow, work through another discouragement. I threw some pretty big temper tantrums, and pity parties and nope-God didn’t budge and would not let me sit down either…..I had to remain Standing.

Even Standers who have matured and grown in the Lord will go through this, many times it is temporary, and they are back on track within a few days, but sometimes the flesh wins. I have seen them angry enough to where they tell God they are finished, and no way can He change their minds. I have had their prayer partners contact me beside themselves, asking, “What can I do? What should I say?”

I have always answered them with this, “This season of quitting, can be just as important and bring just as much growth as Standing does. He lets nothing go to waste. If they are meant to Stand, God will bring them back.”

Standers will develop such an intensely personal relationship with Him, and it will be affected if they go against what God has called them to do. If God has called them to Stand, and they walk away, they will feel it. It’s a feeling where you have to keep repeating, “I just don’t care anymore.”

But you do care, and in time it will wear you down and weary you. I know this is the same thing many lost, backslid beloveds go through, day after day fighting God and telling Him they don’t care, along with the laundry list of reasons why.

“He never loved me the way he should have; he ignored me and made me feel unimportant.”
“She bossed me around and was treating me like a child. I could never do anything I wanted without her throwing a fit.”

Keeping the hurt alive, active, and feeding is the way a person can stay in rebellion and use the excuse they don’t care. This means they won’t be able to forgive and drop the offense.


If God ever meant anything to the person, and they have to go against Him willingly, this will have a negative effect on them. They will be angry at God; the body of Christ for forcing them to go against their will and bitterness will come because they don’t want to do what is asked of them. The Stander doesn’t want to stand, and the lost beloved doesn’t want to repent and come home.

To overcome and deflect, stop the adverse effect, they may turn back to old habits and addictions or pick up totally new things as a distraction. This is why you will see them become unrecognizable! The more they rebel, the more you will see the real them become replaced by someone unrecognizable to you.

I clung deeply to who I knew my husband to be, and I used that to declare freedom to him. I spoke loud and clear that he was a man that didn’t lie, had morals and integrity, and above all else, had a relationship with JESUS and KNEW where his help came from. This kind of declaring reminded me of who he really was, which brought hope, knowing the man underneath was temporarily replaced with a rebellious version.

People are created with a need for Him. An essential requirement and desire to be loved by God and not displease Him with our choices. With salvation, that need intensifies, and you can try and be selfish, but it is no match for how we have been created, to love and be loved by God, and feel accepted by Him…….which comes when you put HIS WILL ABOVE YOUR OWN!

Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger