Your spouse may have said the words to you “I am not happy, and I haven’t been in a long time.” And this might be one of the reasons they use to justify separation or divorce. They buy into the lie that the marriage is the thing responsible for taking their happiness away, and believe with hope that a new relationship or a new path without you can bring their soul the peace and health it’s longing for. 

Since, many of us attacked that theory they projected, for them to admit to us they were wrong, we are right is something unheard of. In order for them to admit it was a mistake, they would have to humble themselves and tell their pride to sit down and shush. That doesn’t happen too often. Instead, we see a spouse, do everything they can to make it appear as if they made the perfect decision when they chose to walk away from you. They want to convince you they are now happy, and that God might even be blessing them. The more pride, the harder it is for them to confess just how miserable they are, so they must keep the facade going.

If you read restoration testimonies, you can see that is not true! Living in sin, living out of God’s will can’t give your spirit the peace and content that it requires. THAT is where this “unhappiness” feeling originated in the first place. Remember, we are three in one. Spirit, soul, body. When we are born again, our spirits become ONE with the Father. 1 Corinthians 6:17

A spiritual sickness occurs when a person is disconnected from God, His will, His plan, and purpose for their life, and they walk around feeling orphaned and without knowing their identity. THIS creates this gaping hole that sends people into a tailspin, a mid-life crisis or as I call it, a spiritual crisis.
A Spiritual crisis can be closely related to physical and emotional sickness. In Psalm 32, David writes of the impact this had on other areas of his life:

3 When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away. Through my groaning all the day long. 4 For day and night Your hand [of displeasure] was heavy upon me; My energy (vitality, strength) was drained away as with the burning heat of summer. Selah. AMP Psalm 32

Unconfessed sins will destroy a person from within. We may not understand when we see them completely changing before our eyes. Doing things out of character. We have seen reports of spouses doing the very things they hate. Or engaging in things within the new life, that you were never able to get them to do. While this boggles the mind, it’s exactly what seems to happen to some spouses as they try very hard to discover how to bring peace and content to a spirit that this relentless nagging them day and night to fix their life. They are running from the full surrender to the Lord that He is calling and drawing them too.

8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you [who are willing to learn] with My eye upon you. 9 Do not be like the horse or like the mule which have no understanding, Whose trappings include bridle and rein to hold them in check, Otherwise they will not come near to you. 10 Many are the sorrows of the wicked, But he who trusts in and relies on the LORD shall be surrounded with compassion and lovingkindness. Ampc Psalm 32

God desires none should perish, therefore He created safety measures that His children can’t outrun. We can do our best to cope, create fantastic escapes, set ourselves up with many fun and exciting things, but nothing will hush our spirits. He wants us to live in His forgiveness, free from the penalty of sin, the power of satan, and the accusations of a guilty conscience.

Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you through and through [that is, separate you from profane and vulgar things, make you pure and whole and undamaged—consecrated to Him—set apart for His purpose]; and may your spirit and soul and body be kept complete and [be found] blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Thessalonians 5:23 AMP

As a Stander, it’s imperative to learn this truth. They bought the lie that happiness and peace can happen with the right person, the right marriage, the right job, the right amount of money, making the right decisions. That is the lie they were fed by the enemy. The lie they are doing their best, struggling to manifest, trying their very best to make YOU believe. But when we come to know God’s character through His Word, we see this is IMPOSSIBLE. One of the impossible we can actually get to say as the truth.

We cannot fall into this same lie.

Marriage won’t make you happy. Being loved the right way, being respected, appreciated by the ‘right person’ won’t fill the need your spirit has. Having the kids you always wanted, the house, the job, the car, the finances. None of that was factored into the measures God takes when He created you to be HIS. Adoption, identity, relationship, truth.


Knowing this truth about God is the wisdom needed to protect your heart as time goes by and you watch your spouse engage in everything they can think of to try and make their spirits happy. They may sound so convincing as they tell you they have never felt so happy, that they have talked it over with God, and He is perfectly fine with their decisions. You may have to endure watching them go to church, even keep their roles in the church, as they secretly, silently, go through this battle undetected by everyone but God.

Now, let us address the question some of you are having. “What if my spouse really did repent and God has released them from our marriage?” I don’t know if God wants me to Stand, is a question many have.   This is a question that will haunt you until God, Himself speaks to you about your personal situation as there are many that have gray areas when it came to your wedding day. If God spoke to you and said your marriage will be restored then that’s that. Final. If He has not yet, then you keep pressing and going forward until His direction brings clarity and peace to your journey. Sometimes, for some, the bigger picture takes time.

He has a plan. A perfect plan for their soul of your spouse to finally give way and listen to their spirits and surrender to His calling for them.

Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger

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