As I think back about how an adulteress could influence a man I can quickly say that two lost people in sin attract a common role of a fake “Partnership” both blinded in that role and oblivious to the truth as to say to one another:
“You are happier here, hiding from the truth here in us.”

Proverbs 5:20 Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress, or embrace the bosom of a stranger?

They come together in lies, not from God, but the enemy. Who’s out to kill steal and destroy.

In control of one another, trying as hard as they can, not to see the wrong they both contribute in a common effort to try to thrive.

One is no better than the other. Again, oblivious to one another as who they really are. They are both lying to themselves and each other and concealing who they really are.

Hiding beside the closeness they “think”  or tell themselves they have. I think for the man, he somehow seems to cling to the adulteress’s ways and tells himself this is not real. A fantasy and escape from feeling. He does not have a real love, it’s a lust and a comfort, stuck in his sin and hers. Sin easily entangles.

He cannot tell himself he is just using her. He repeats to himself again and again “I am better off then where I was.” A lot of self talk such as; ” I can get out of this sin as quickly as I got in.”

You see… the man really opposes the partnership inside but lies to himself to expose what is real and true. “I’m better off,” but really I’m stuck and the partnership is only on the outside, yet the man still feels responsible to this adulteress. More self talk: “I am such a failure, this woman won’t take me any further.”

She will somehow be the one that becomes the ultimate judge of the man and he feels it. Keeping him in unknown chains of good times and sharing her hurts, he pathetically feels like a hero to her. She makes sure she is in control and says things such as “you are so nice and much fun to be with” while actually, it’s just the opposite.

A weak man afraid to come out of hiding from both from his past and his once Godly marriage. Despising his wife on the surface of his heart and his lips.

The adulteress knows this and she wonders if she could ever really be good enough, the one, the only one, the one that wins this man and keeps him.  She’s very insecure, she is no partner at all, but to him he says ” I got myself into to this” he’s very confused and so he continues to lie to himself. “I don’t want to go back.”

It’s her and other unhealthy relationships we find ourselves in, that makes him feel like a good man, even in the sin. All the while, he is sick inside.

Colossians 2:8 See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ.

I sought freedom and yet I didn’t ever want to be tied up in this relationship but I kept getting sucked in, running from nothing and no one but myself.

By heartfelt judgment of the sick partner, I chose in this sin partnership, but now she won’t go way. Neither will I, ” I am a good man, I kinda like it” He says he feels special in some confused and sick way. He’s accepted, he thinks he cares for her, but it’s not in truth at all.

When he wakes up with the woman holding him captive, he can only starve himself from who he really is, from his own judgment, and from his wife and God.

He struggles to pray because he no longer has God. he has been his own for so long in the passions, lusts and idols of sexual fantasy. He’s in complete darkness.

He hates himself inside and hides his shame deep down, but then the adulteress continues staring at him and repeatedly says “your such a good guy.”  She ponders what she can do next to keep the adulterous partnership going. “I have nobody else.” She’s a lost soul and “she ” is only the one that happened to be available, it’s nothing she has. Trust me.

“I have to keep the fire lit somehow” and maybe she will for a time, but all of it will end at some point and become nothing but disappointment and the biggest regret of this mans life.  I pray it  hits a wall before its too late where this confused man who does not even know what he wants or needs, looses his marriage and family blinded by flesh and worldly desires.

Worst of all, he believes and accepts he deserves it for now.

Its him that lets her influence him like a child.

Truly a lonely man in hiding from God, no matter what the circumstance, he would rather die than let his wife know who he thinks he really is, or until he pulls his head out of his prideful self ………………You see, it’s a very lonely place in sin and I don’t know why sin + sin = a-total disregard of reality.

Once the man gets the courage to trust God and repent of this sick world he’s been in he can finally see that he has always had a beautiful, loving wife by his side, who’s even willing to forgive him!

The freedom and lies I sought was nothing but bondage and chains.

The freedom I have today is Gods amazing grace, He took my Shame and a loving wife who stood by me and helped me heal. My angel.

Sad but true: I had to break her heart to find mine.

Together we are in victory.
In truth in the light and through Gods Redeeming Love!

John Rellos


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(~Marriage Revealed Ministries Inc. is committed to helping bring healing and restoration to couples who are struggling in their marriage. We do this through the revelation of Who God is and His heart and design for marriage which never intends abuse in any form. If you suspect abuse in your relationship, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit them online at