I held my first Standers Conference in July 2017. The week before the Conference, my husband came home. I haven’t wanted to share, because we have had five false starts in the two years that he had been gone, and I wanted to be sure. I want to say that I am sure. He has been home almost 7 weeks, and it is beautiful to watch. I have been doubtful at times, but have tried to stand on the promises and heart knowledge that has been downloaded into my spirit throughout these two years. I have had to trust God and not my husband. However, through that trusting God, my husband has constantly reassured me that he is NOT leaving again. We can weather this together. What beautiful words to hear, but not because I have nagged my husband into saying them, but because my GOD knew I needed to hear them. He knows what we need.
I know, as a stander, you want to know HOW this happened. I am still in awe that it truly was a suddenly. Just like they say…suddenly, he decided he wanted to come home. I want to tell you a couple of things though. This was a Kim transformation. God truly changed ME. I was codependent, living my life as a wife and mother only. Needy. My husband was my god. If he wanted to do something, I went right along with it, not thinking that I, nor my opinion, mattered. I wasn’t worthy. Ever.
But this metamorphosis, this birthing of a new human being (me), has been a lovely process. I let Him teach me how worthy I truly was. I was worthy, chosen, beautiful, important, and a child of the Most High King. I learned to look at myself in the mirror and say, “I like that gal”! And I meant it. And guess what happened because of that? I had a television station that did an interview of me that was a pretty big deal, and my husband saw it. He told me that he was so proud of me, that I inspired him, that he hoped he hadn’t been given up on. Guys, he saw Jesus in me. He saw the butterfly that had come out of its cocoon. I was independent of my husband. I let God be my husband. I let God love me back to life. I sat in His lap when I was sad, and He told me that He had me. Literally, this is what my husband told me, “I saw the changes in you, and I liked who you had become.” I had won him over without a word. He saw Jesus in me.
I can’t stress enough that we have to heal. We have to stop worrying about what is going on on the other side of the mountain (and God gave me peeks all along the way). We have to start focusing on what is going on on our side of the mountain. Let God love you back to life. Let Him show you how worthy you truly are. Get in the Word, let His promises flood your heart until you can love from the overflow of HIS love. Trust deeply in HIM. Even if you have to tell him 20 times a day that you trust Him, do it.
In the beginning of May, I took my son to Colorado for his 18th birthday. I was sad that I was there alone, and my husband should have been there celebrating this huge milestone. I remember sitting there, alone in a hotel room, thinking, “God, I don’t see a way. Not a way at all. But, you know, God…I’m going to trust that You have a way.” That was May, he came home in June. I didn’t see a way…only a month before he came home. It was truly suddenly.
I wanted to encourage those that are facing divorce, it truly means nothing. It’s just a paper from a governmental agency. Not a decision from a promise-making God. I treasure this gift so much, it is truly an Ephesians 3:20 moment: “Now to Him who is able to [carry out His purpose] do super abundantly more than all that we dare ask or think [infinitely beyond our greatest prayers, hopes, or dreams], according to His power that is at work within us… (Amplified)
If God has called you to stand, stand. Don’t you dare give up…your spouse, your family, your legacy is counting on you, my friend. He WILL fulfill His promise that He has given you. God bless you…Stand Firm.
~Kim in Texas 2017