We all know the gut, deep wrenching sobs of pain and heartbreak we feel as we watch the one we love with our whole hearts turn away from us and give themselves over to another that was never meant for them. We have so much pain we bear because we know they belong to US. That someone else is partaking in what our spouse was meant to be giving us.
Today, as I was in prayer about writing MORE on this, because I discerned something in the body, God came and said “I am longing for them as they long for another.” I felt that pain in Him. That pain I just described. I felt His heart longing for the love that you give to your spouse but have not yet come to learn how to love Him that way. He is not asking you to stop loving your spouse, not asking you to replace your spouse with Him.
He is waiting. He is patiently waiting for the effects of the stand to bring you to His door and for you to knock with a different sound. …………I am totally wrecked as I can FEEL THIS SOUND.
We knock with a light sound “I want my spouse.”
Knock. “I want my spouse to love me.” knock
knock. “Restore my marriage.” Knock, knock
Knock. “Give me back my spouse.” knock, knock, knock
He knows this sound so well. The knocking on His door from hearts that come to Him asking for you to get back your first love. He keeps the door to His heart closed and protected. Until He hears the sound He longs for.
I REMEMBER THIS DAY. The day I knocked with a new sound and He opened.
KNOCK–“God, I need YOU.” KNOCK
KNOCK-“God, I confess I have never loved YOU as I should have, I never knew YOU enough to trust YOU with my heart. But something has changed in me. YOU have shown me that YOU really do love me. YOU will never abandon me, but something more. YOU have pure motives and intentions for me. YOU have no ulterior hidden motives. YOU are not out to manipulate and control me for your good, but out for MY good because of how much love YOU have for me. YOU are the REAL thing. The truth that I have been missing. The love that I have truly wanted and craved and desired and tried to get out of my husband. YOU ARE THE LOVE I want.” KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
And it opened.
Luke 11:9 So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
I remember that day
I was sitting on my couch. I had been coming to sit there to have these times of what I called “Me, myself, and God.” times, where I didn’t bring my husband or our marriage into the conversation at all. I remember this time as being totally fed up with my situation and tired of being dragged all over in my feelings and emotions. God shared with me that this is the time of the crossroads. Where many Standers come and choose to take the road to Him, or they chose to give up and move on and find another person.
Those that take this road to another will most likely be back at this place again until they chose the path that leads to Him.
But for those who really decide to choose Him, they will come to that door with a new knocking, making a new sound. One He longs to hear. One that His heart longs for. The sound of a heart that says “I CHOOSE YOU.”
What happened to me the day I said those words, “God I love You.” And I didn’t feel the knock! All these years I have shared with you that the way it felt was like a door had opened. I was no longer knocking, but something drastic changed. Instead of coming to a door and asking to be let in, I no longer felt like I was seeking, but felt like I was being shown. The first huge thing was the Word of God. It felt like I was reading a love letter written specifically to me. The Word of God drastically changed as I read and I could not read without weeping as it became so personal. I started to read not with the intention of what can I use to get my spouse home, but “what can I learn about You Jesus?
He knew what I needed too. He knew the things that would heal and make me whole and complete. Knowing that He was choosing me even DESPITE my many flaws and issues meant more to me than I can explain. He loved me as is. Loved me without conditions. When I found out that He draws people to Himself because He picks and chooses, and that He had picked me, He had chosen me, He was calling me as His own I wept and wept and the healing it brought to me was more profound than anything.
God is after you. He waits for you to choose Him. For the sound of your knock to change.
My knock was an “I am tired of my spouse hurting me. He is not the one that can love me unconditionally and perfectly like I need. I am tired of trying to get a person to love me and make me whole and complete. Only YOU can do that. But I see something now about YOU that I didn’t see before. I see YOU. I see the type of Person You are now. How selfless and humble, how caring and compassionate. How faithful and loyal You are. I see how much You are devoted to us.”
It’s because of standing for your spouse and being hurt over and over and over that that idol will fall and you will look for something, someone else to replace it. That will be your crossroad. The narrow gate. We are all called to it. But will you choose Him? Will you lay down the need for another person and choose to seek Him first? That doesn’t mean you will never have your spouse back. It doesn’t’ mean you will be destined to be alone.
He didn’t create us to be alone. He created us to walk with Him in the garden and get to know Him first, BEFORE He brings the spouse. Look closely at Adam and how God established him in a relationship with Him first before He bought the wife. It was also very very important for Eve’s relationship with God to have Adam already established in his relationship with God or else he would have turned to her, his help meet and she would have helped him, but lost herself and misunderstood her identity and role. She needed Adam to already know and be rooted in his identity and authority so she would not step into a place that was not meant for her.
This is the process of God helping us lay down the idols, come to the crossroads and choose Him. I have seen many take the wrong turn, choose another and then come back and say, they chose wrong and now are going to choose Him. God is patient. He is loving and He knows what it takes to get you to change the sound of your knock.
“Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to. Luke 13:24
Please trust the process. Be honest with God. He already knows. He knows your hearts and understands and doesn’t condemn you for loving your spouse more, but He does want you to change and not have idols above or beside Him. He wants to open the door and let you in, but He has to be able to trust you first.
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