When my storm started to brew, I was pregnant with our first child, and 18 years into our marriage. My husband started to act differently. I just figured he was afraid of being a parent and didn’t really know how to deal with it. But, by the time she was 9 months old, I realized that this was not something that would just pass over. That first year, I exhausted all my efforts of trying to change him. Then I turned to recruit every family member I could to help talk sense into him. I even kicked him out. 

All through this, I prayed and read the Word. I poured over the scriptures daily trying to find that one perfect scripture I could read out loud and declare over my spouse; that perfect one that would change my husband.

I look back now and see how foolish I was. I used God and I used His Word to help me get what I wanted. The good news is that while I poured over scriptures, God did not waste a thing and I retained much of what I read……….but nothing changed in my life. In fact, I got worse, and so did my husband.  I got more desperate, hurt, and angry. And he got more defiant, rebellious and sneaky. The more I searched the scriptures and begged and pleaded with God, the worse things got. 

I was a very prideful woman. I used that pride, that “no man is going to hurt me and walk all over me” pride to lead my efforts. I used that pride to pray. To talk ‘sense’ into my husband. I used that pride to determine my thinking, my knowledge and my next plan of action. Pride left me a completely empty person. And I was doing everything I could from that empty place. I had no compassion, mercy, or grace. I was almost out of love and forgiveness for him. I was depleted.

When I was done, depleted and exhausted, I turned to the Word again. This time it was for me: to find peace, rest, comfort and to KNOW HIM. I stopped looking for what God could do for my marriage and started to have my “Me, myself and God” times. I blocked my husband out of my mind and focused on God. 

I took the time to seek out places I loved, like the ocean. I would take long drives and worship. I made myself change the scenery and atmosphere. God’s beautiful creations in nature always helped me get my focus on Him. I even took my peddle bike and took long rides.

As I learned about Him, simply by reading to know Him……..He filled me. As I drew near to Him, He drew near to me and love drove away the fear. Trust came and control left. Confidence became evident and I stopped worrying as much.

Pride was replaced with humility and it was FILLING and made me feel good instead of bitter like being proud did. Humility made me feel comfort, peace, and actually GOOD about myself.

As HE filled me, I was able to overflow to my husband with mercy, compassion, love, forgiveness, and grace. You can’t do this in your strength. Standing will knock you down and trample you.

You must seek your own spiritual health. Learn about Him, so you can know who YOU are. As you learn the truth, it will shatter wrong beliefs and strongholds that block you. 

I was so empty and filled with so much bad stuff. I had nothing worth anything to give to my husband. As I learned about Him and read the Word, it transformed me. I wept and wept when I read that HE CHOSE ME! That changed my life! The Word broke through things that my husband never could. The Word healed me of things marriage couldn’t touch. 

If you obsess over your marriage, praying, reading, seeking, ONLY for your spouse and marriage……..It may not get better for you. God wants to reveal Himself to you. Start asking God to reveal Himself to you, teach you what He is like. Minister to HIM! I ask Him often what I can do for HIM, how I can love Him and appreciate Him. Remember adoption is not one-sided. 

Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger 

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