I was a pusher. I was an impatient, presumptuous, “I need an answer right now,” pushy person. Look up the definition of pushy, and there I was.
push·y
excessively or unpleasantly self-assertive or ambitious. “a pushy salesperson” Forceful, brash, bold, forceful.
Pushy people are usually self-absorbed people. They are driven deeply by a need to make themselves comfortable and may steamroll over anything that stands in the way. This means if they become fearful, impatient, annoyed, angry, jealous, or confused, they will do what is needed to self appease even if that means overstepping into other people’s lives. They have a minimal concept of what respect is, for some, it gets very out of control, this need to bend situations to appease their needs, so they learn to manipulate people through their words, emotions, and circumstance.
Self-placation is the reason. To placate means to soothe, appease. Self-absorbed people do not know how to handle and master negative emotions, so those emotions control them. To placate, appease those emotions, they do what is necessary to feel “normal” again.
Most self-absorbed people are fear-driven, which causes them to be analytical, controlling, and always trying to manage the situation so it won’t manage them.
When a person was raised with fear, like fear of rejection, this becomes a map and direction in the person’s soul. Responses, actions, perspective, the way they think, handle, process emotions…..all follow the map.
Money, love, acceptance, or success are the leading driving forces for ambition. Even the most mature Christian can obtain a “sidetrack map” of distraction when something unexpected in their life happens and they become desperate to calm an emotion they are not used to. Especially when the storm hits and they are faced with lack of money, security, and they become humiliated. We can create many sidetrack maps that get us off course when all of a sudden our whole world is turned upside down. Things like pride, self-righteousness, and wrong beliefs will reveal themselves on these new maps.
SALVATION REWRITES OUR LIFE!
When a person seeks Jesus as their Lord, Healer, Deliver, He goes to work immediately remapping. It can take years and years to reteach a person how to process and handle all their emotions through a new map of FAITH and not the path they have used with success before. The brain loves to create patterns and habbits and follow the same routes over and over. When A happens, we will always react with Plan B to handle it.
12 continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling. 13 For it is God who works in you to will and to act on behalf of His good purpose. 1 Thessalonians 5
Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders You have done, and the plans You have for us–none can compare to You–if I would proclaim and declare of them, they are more than could be numbered. Psalm 40:5
It’s great to recognize when fear is controlling a person and not faith, we can even recognize this about ourselves, but it’s not always easy for certain people to just change course and jump on the path of faith.
Most fear-driven people become this way for a reason. Something stole their security and removed the ability to trust. They learned the only person they could trust and rely on was themselves.
To remap a person, Jesus has to work patiently to gain their trust. To help them choose to believe IN Him over themselves.
I am poor and needy; hurry to me, O God. You are my help and my deliverer; O LORD, do not delay. Psalm 70:5
I had not only trusted and relied on myself, but I had also trusted my husband. I had two idols before God that He had to help fall. This is why it took almost the whole seven years of my storm to remap me.
I was mapped and wired to follow anything that helped appease my fears. Helped me deal with the consequences of unworthiness, rejection, mistrust, and my insecurities. I was a total mess.
But Jesus! Oh, how He loved me! How this storm became a time where He got inside that map, reworked it, edited, revised, and rewrote my life! And this is what deliverance was for me.
Many of us need remapping, including our lost beloveds. We all have maps that are unique to our situations, written by our past. Some of our maps are formed from unworthiness, pride, rebellion, anger at the church or God. Remapping takes time so we must be gracious, forgiving, and merciful not only to our spouses but to ourselves as the Holy Spirit does a new work in us. The transformation process is worth the wait!
This new map has been a total blessing to me. I used to hate not knowing something. Instead of self-imposing MY will upon my husband and forcing or bullying him into giving me the answers I wanted. I have learned that waiting, being patient, and trusting Jesus can appease me. And in due time, I may get my answers. My husband will open up and talk to me because I am now someone that he wants to open up to, be honest with, and finds me trustworthy.
My old way robbed us of many intimate moments with my husband, where we could connect deeply, feeling safe and secure with each other.
I know being remapped is a long, slow process that happens during our storm, it’s a very long, tiring process as we go around and around and battle the many things within us that we have not overcome, but this is all within His doing and we must trust and proceed forward with Thanksgiving that He is good and doing a good work in us.
For I know the thoughts that I think concerning you, said the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you the end that you wait for. Jubilee Bible 2000
Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger
