From Lost Beloved to Stander to Restored!

This is the testimony of a very dear and beloved sister in Christ who was the lost spouse, only later to become the Standing spouse. I stood with her for years so this testimony brings me so much joy to share~Sheila

My journey as a prodigal started officially in March of 2008. But honestly, it started much earlier. I was a wild party girl throughout my teens. I drank, did drugs, sold drugs and had multiple sexual encounters. I lived on the streets for a time in my late teens. I ended up pregnant at 20. My baby’s father went to jail for killing his best friend when I was 3 months along. I had my beautiful baby girl in 1992 at 21 years old. I was terrified.

God brought me, my husband, when my daughter was a year old. I had never been with anyone like him. He was a “good boy.” We were in a serious relationship and living together for 2.5 years. He asked me to marry him but there was a condition…he wanted us to go to church and be baptized. I really wanted to get married so I agreed. God found me in April of 1996. We were baptized together in June and married in August. We had a good marriage. We were blessed with our daughter in 1998 and we were active in our church. My father passed in 2002 and I started to backslide and drinking a little more every week. My husband’s son unexpectedly died in April of 2007 and we imploded. The death of a child is such a tragedy and our marriage suffered greatly.

In walked the former love of my life. We had dated on and off for a bit before I got pregnant with my second child. The OM was a drug-addicted criminal with a heart of gold (not really). I was lost in alcohol and a complete lonely mess and he pursued me with a vengeance. I became obsessed with this man. I knew it was wrong but I kept going. Phone calls, emails, and texts…until I finally snuck away to see him a province away. I crossed a line on that trip and my lust-soaked brain wanted more. I couldn’t think of anything other than him. I felt deep conviction but drank more to cover it.

I came clean with my husband and went to stay at my best friends house to clear my head. It was my excuse to do what I wanted and not be guilty because I was lying. Our relationship was hot and heavy. My poor husband tried everything to win me back. I placated him not wanting to let him go fully but not having any intention of leaving the OM. I had both and I was a train wreck. Drinking nightly. The OM cheated on me- I cried to my husband. The OM came back begging forgiveness- off I went. My husband was praying. I was a mess. Guilt, shame, drinking, lust, confusion, and conviction… train wreck.

My husband was hurt. My girls were messed up. All I saw was my selfish wants. I moved back into the basement suite my husband and I built in my mother’s house and moved the OM in. I lived half the time there and half at my house to help with the kids. For two years I kept this arrangement going. The more conviction I felt, the more I drank. I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t stay away from the OM. He was using drugs, lying to me, and taking money out of my account when I slept. He pawned my husband’s ring and I said nothing. It was bad. More and more I had thoughts of going home, being with my husband and kids but I felt obligated to the OM. I missed my family. I missed my husband. A lot of times I wished the OM would just go away so I could go home.

Two years to the day later, I left the OM and went home. I was terrified of being close to my husband because he would constantly tell me how I had been so horrible. There wasn’t forgiveness, mercy, or grace when I came home. Tough love was used. I couldn’t let go of the OM either. We remained friends and he remained in my mother’s house. He guilted me a lot. And because I remained in close contact, the lust was still strong. I didn’t sleep with him anymore but we had some intimate moments. I wasn’t sleeping with my husband either but we also had some intimate moments too. And when they happened I felt guilty about hurting the OM. Crazy…this went on in limbo for a year and then 2012 hit and my life blew up and my drinking was out of control. I was a mess. My mom died, my daughter came out as gay, our house went into foreclosure, and my husband started his relationship with the OW.

God spoke to me on December 14. I cried to Him and asked Him to please let me die. He clearly said “No,” I wasn’t going to die. I was going to fight for my marriage and fight for my family because together we are stronger. I repented for real in front of my h the next day. He was so angry. Everything was very dark. We had sex on December 22 and again December 27. Little did I know things were going to get crazier, lol. We went out and got loaded together. New Year’s eve we had an awful fight and I actually hit him. The next day I stopped drinking. He pursued his relationship with the OW and I had the OM stalking me.

I threw myself at God. I read the bible non-stop. I prayed constantly. My husband got uglier. I found out I was pregnant at the end of January at 41 and my husband moved out shortly after. He hated me. So here I was, sober, pregnant, and living in my foreclosure with my 15-year-old daughter with no help from my husband.

Fast forward 4 years… God is good!!! God restored my relationships with my older girls. I have a beautiful home, a job I love, and my dream truck, lol. I am 4 years sober January 1. I run a group for women who are alcoholics at Celebrate Recovery and my husband, although he may not be home yet, is my friend. He respects and trusts me. He is living in his prodigal life now. Fear is a huge factor for him, not being home, I think. He’s never told me he doesn’t love me but he has told me he doesn’t want to let me back into his heart…

So here I am standing and praying 4 years later. Often I want to give up but then I remember how it felt when I finally came out of it and no one was there for me and I don’t want him to feel like I did.

~A Stander waiting for FULL Restoration!

UPDATE:

On August 10, 2019, 23 years to the day Ken and I were remarried! In front of our family and friends. Our kids stood up with us! Plus as an extra Ken legally adopted our oldest daughter Hayley! Ken wanted our family complete! Almost 6 years of standing, so much pain confusion and tears but God…HE IS FAITHFUL
When He says He will do something He will! You best believe it!!! Hang in there!