“God, hurry up! Why is this taking so long? I don’t know why You are not doing anything and making my spouse change. Don’t You care how painful the waiting is for me? I am alone, afraid, confused, and I am not convinced how this will end. Why don’t you DO SOMETHING.”

If this is you, I suggest printing this as a good reminder if you consistently struggle with these types of questions.

WHY-
WHAT-
WHEN-
HOW-

WHY your marriage is under duress is because of WHAT condition your spouse’s heart is in.

The heart is the SOUL CORE of a person’s morals, beliefs, will, and RELATIONSHIP with God. To fix your marriage, the HEART must be fixed, and undergo surgery from the Surgeon.

How long will this heart surgery take?

That depends. For some spouses, so much work needs to be done, it’s not ONE long surgery, but MULTIPLE surgeries over an extended period of time.

Does the Surgeon just place them on the table and get started because of impatience, or because the family of the patient demands they operate now? Does the surgeon ever go by the family’s needs above the patient’s needs? “Oh this is too much for you to bear? Ok, I will operate now, even though he is not ready and this is very risky and most likely it will kill him, but because you can’t bear it any longer, I will go ahead and do it now FOR YOU.” 

No, He makes sure that when He begins the work, that heart is going to accept it, not reject the procedure. The Surgeon determines WHEN the right time is for the best possible outcome. WHEN the heart will accept, not reject what is being done.

O LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble and oppressed; You will strengthen their heart, You will incline Your ear to hear, Psalm 10:17 amp

Teach me Your way, O LORD, I will walk and live in Your truth; Direct my heart to fear Your name [with awe-inspired reverence and submissive wonder]. Psalm 86:11 amp

This waiting time can be long, but it’s just as important, maybe even more so than that actual surgery, which could turn out to be a quick one that produces fast results. The waiting time is PREP time. So much is done during this prep time that we don’t know about. But it’s crucial because it’s all there to ensure that when the heart encounters God, it’s READY for Him.

What else can affect how long this takes, what procedure is used, how many surgeries are needed, how long of a resting period is done before the next surgery begins?

-Damage from preexisting conditions. The past plays a huge role in how your spouse handles the prep work and the surgery.
-The level of hardness, stubbornness, pride all factor in and determine how many surgeries, how long.
-How they respond to the work being done.
-Setbacks through OUTSIDE interference and distractions.
-YOUR willingness to be obedient to what God is asking YOU to do. Yes, if you keep overstepping. Interjecting, condemning, manipulating, and controlling. YOU can make the Surgeon have to work around what you are doing to His patient.

Now, that you know what is going on with your spouse and you have a new way of looking at this, it should help you make the most of your time in the waiting room. It should help you see that phoning the Surgeon and demanding He begins, is not going to make Him hurry. Shouting orders out to Him is not going to make Him take your advice. Complaining how bad the waiting room is, is not going to convince Him you have it worse than then His patient whose life is in grave danger.

He needs you to look at where you are? You are saved, right? You are in communication with Him, right? You are asking Him if you can be dismissed from this and go live your life because this waiting room is not fun?

As a daughter who had a father with serious heart issues that waiting room was a HUGE part of my life. It brought out a lot of selfishness in me that I had to give up a lot on that day, or days to sit in the waiting room, and just wait for the process to be over. I was very young, 13 when he had his first major surgery, very self-centered and very impatient. It bothered me to see all the Dr.’s and nurses taking it slow, standing in the halls talking to each other, some even took time to laugh or joke. How dare they take a break and get food!!! Why were they not rushing at top speed to fix this?

Standing offends our flesh. It offends our selfishness. It reminds us, “You could just leave the waiting room and go back to your life. You don’t really have to be here.” Especially for a person that said. “I don’t’ want you here.”

During my first waiting room experience, I was terrified. many years, after many hours sitting through many surgeries, sitting in the waiting room, I was not scared, I was impatient and indifferent. I despised the updates from the nurse, “Things are going well, trust the Dr, these things take time. It will all be over soon.” Their words didn’t really help me anymore. I just wanted this over with. My heart had hardened in so many areas as it turned selfish and focused more on how inconvenienced I was. I got bitter too. 20 years since the first heart attack and my dad never changed anything. He still smoked, still ate bad, still created stressful situations, missed his Dr appointments. Of course, we were going to have to endure all these heart surgeries because he was not being responsible and didn’t care how he was affecting all of us. It’s amazing how the waiting room can bring out the ugly in your own heart. I needed to be on that operating table more than my dad.

While you are waiting, what is going on with you?

Do you keep looking at the exit sign? Thinking how easy it would be to just make a break for it? After all, they told you you could. They told you, you are not welcome here and they don’t love you anymore. So why are you here waiting?

Because you know it’s right. You know your spouse is in trouble and that when they are being healed by the Lord, behind closed doors, where you can’t see, the waiting is where you need to be. But self-reflect. Guard your heart. The waiting room will expose and bring out the ugly in you. Learn how to really deal with what you see.

Thus, having patiently endured, he obtained the promise. Hebrews 6:15

What does this waiting room look like