I asked my husband to write some words describing the thoughts and feelings he had when he left our marriage. My hope is that his words will give insight into what the lost spouse is experiencing and feeling during the separation.These are just only a few indicators of the spiritual BATTLE they are enduring!
“So my wife and I went threw a lot after having our two children we started to grow apart from each other, and it seemed like there was no love at all. Only arguing and accusing and she had some crazy thoughts. I literally felt trapped, but that wasn’t the case come to find out. After a fight, I ended up leaving which was my first mistake because I stepped out on my family, not just my wife, but my two daughters.
I started down a really dark path, but in my head, I felt like I was finally free I could do what I want when I wanted to. But it was never enough. I started dating out of my marriage, and it is the one thing in my life I would literally give anything to take back!
I thought she was everything I wanted my wife to be and this new relationship would keep me happy but after nights of literally just getting out of my bed and driving and wondering what was wrong with me it ended up being very simple.
I wasn’t living the life I was supposed to.
I was always mad. Always felt like I’m never gonna be happy. For some reason, it was worst than before I left home and I didn’t even realize that. So after months of being with someone else and realizing this isn’t what I want I started coming around my wife and kids again and it literally hit me like a ton of bricks!
THIS is why I wasn’t happy I should have never left to begin with! I should have stuck it out like a true man should have and not ran. God and my family are what I needed to make me happy.
I finally broke down and gave it all to God asking Him for forgiveness for what I did because it was all wrong. It felt so good to not be so mad at my wife anymore. I remember she would try to talk about God to me and I would get so aggravated. I didn’t want to hear anything about God especially not from her. I thought this new way she was acting was fake and if I came back things would just go back to how they were. And I was always the one starting fights looking for any little reason to blow up at her.
Looking back I wanted to test her all the time to see if these new ways were really her for real. Half of me wanted to be home but there was another half that doubted and didn’t believe I could be happy with her. In the end, I went home, and obviously it wasn’t all fairytales and rainbows when I came back but threw a lot of praying and fasting and becoming the man I should of become all along I finally feel good again.
I literally couldn’t be around my wife for 2 minutes without wanting to scream at her..now I can’t be away from her for two minutes before I start missing her like I haven’t seen her for months. At the end of the day I’m proud of the man, husband, and father I am today and I’m thankful my wife didn’t give up on us.”
–Andy Bath
And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them. Isaiah 42:16
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Thank you! What you have addressed is what I’m going through now. I absolutely love reading about the thoughts and actions of a prodigal. They are so confusing and convincing at times, it hurts. I too am happy your wife didn’t give up on you! May God continue to bless your marriage and children