When you look at the hard heart of your spouse and think, “Who is this person? I don’t know who they have become. They are someone I don’t recognize anymore, and I never thought they were capable of doing the things they are doing.”  I am going to share some things with you that will help break it down!

I had the privilege to speak to a lost spouse and listen to the Holy Spirit reveal the truth. To get some inside understanding of what was really happening.

See, if I had listened and considered the words of this man, I would have missed it. If I had considered the hurt, hate, animosity, bitterness, and all the EXCUSES and past examples that he listed off, and there were MANY, I would have missed it.


If I would have considered and evaluated the considerable list of wrongs that his wife committed, I would have missed it.


What would I have missed? 

This man was not captured, convinced, being driven by the list of wrongs committed by his wife. They can be forgiven and put as far as the East is to the West. I know this to be true because I overcame and forgave my own husband, and I’ve seen it done by countless restored couples!  

This man was not in a battle with the enemy, God, convincing friends and family about who is right, who is wrong,  whether he could forgive,  if things would change, and if he could have the life that he wanted. That was not the battle, even though he tried to convince me that was it.


His battle was with his pride. 

And when the Holy Spirit showed me this, I was able to see the lengths this lost man would go to to keep his pride intact. To keep himself from being humble and admitting even the slightest truth if it meant that he had to be shown he was wrong. 

The enemy can use these situations to enforce pride, but he is not the cause. This is why pride is so dangerous because pride has NO issues with using violence to protect itself. I’m not talking about physical violence, though we see people will resort to using it. We are talking about the type of violence that accompanies the hatred and divorce that a person possesses in order to divorce. 

Let’s look deeper at Malachi 2:16 which tells us about the type of man that hates his wife and covers her with violence when he divorces her. 


“The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the LORD Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful. Malachi 2:16 NIV

The Brenton’s Septuagint Translation says it this way,  But if thou shouldest hate thy wife and put her away, saith the Lord God of Israel, then ungodliness shall cover thy thoughts, saith the Lord Almighty: therefore take ye heed to your spirit, and forsake them not,

 

Let’s break down some of these words and explain the context they are used it. 

“Who Hates” is the word 8130 Sane, specifically śā·nê, which refers to a type of hatred that is fueled by perversion and kept guarded and intact by pride. 

Śā·nê-perverse hatred is a hatred that is created when a person turns themselves over to wickedness, idolatry, and evil. 

A person looks with temptation upon wickedness, idolatry, evil and makes the decision to say YES, and this is where will and perversion come in. Because in order to say YES to something so contrary to WHO they really are, they have to go against themselves. 


Sane-śā·nê/ Perverse definition 

  1. Contrary to what is right or good; wicked or depraved (reprobate-sinner, unprincipled.
  2.  Characterized by or resulting from willful opposition or resistance to what is right, expected, or reasonable.
  3. Willfully opposing or resisting what is right, expected, or reasonable.

When a person chooses the lusts of the flesh, the temptation of sin, the lies of what that sin is saying, AND the seduction of the flattering tongue they have now allowed the hard heart to form, and this creates the situation  “does violence to the one he should protect,.”

Violence/ ḥā·mās 2555. Chamas-wrongdoing, injustice, malicious

So let’s get back to my conversation with this lost husband. 

 He was a married man when he met this divorced woman who made him realize all that he was losing out on. He never saw how unhappy, unloved, and unappreciated in his marriage he had been until she came along and made him feel and see all that he was missing. She flattered him, put him on a pedestal, and showed him how mistreated, disrespected, and how he was being taken advantage of. Suddenly, he came to “realize” that his wife didn’t love him, never had.  But none of this is true. I know this family, and never saw what he now claims was going on to the extent he believes. But he needed to believe it so it would give him the excuse to divorce and pursue this woman that tempted him with the “better” that he didn’t even know he was missing out on.

The divorced woman was being used by a strange woman spirit, it finds a host, a person who is wounded. It can work through a man or a woman to lie and deceive your husband OR wife. Don’t get gender confused here because it’s called strange “woman” it operates without gender. Many wives get snared by that charming man that makes them feel so flattered, loved, and appreciated, and suddenly they HATE (Śā·nê) their husbands and the life they created together. AND they are not capable of perversion-going against EVERYTHING they have ever morally stood for, as well as covering their spouse with violence-wrongdoing, injustice, and malice.

Now does it make sense?  They were duped! That strange woman spirit can operate in non-sexual relationships. I’ve seen the flattering tongue come through stepchildren, mother-in-laws, bosses, coworkers, and in one rare case, a Pastor’s wife was the reason. We see this with therapists and counselors! Telling your wife or husband that YOU are a narcissist even though they never met you and that it’s better if your spouse divorces you. 

So, your spouse was exposed to a situation where they fell for the lie. They were told they were living a half-life, unloved, unappreciated, and missing out. This other person, whoever they were, wove a trap with their words that convinced them they deserved to be happy and have all that life OR God wanted for them. That God is not for suffering, He is for people to have a full life of getting what they deserve. HAPPINESS! They fell for the temptation, the lie, and became snared. 

Now, as the truth starts to unfold, and it does, eventually, this charmer and seductress start to show their true self. Controlling, jealous, fearful, insecure, and intolerant of the very things they accused YOU of doing-your spouse will start to see the lie. Now they are faced with being humble and admitting they made a huge mistake.

Many of your spouses are in this place right now. And that is the battle of pride. It’s not a battle with you, God, the other person or the enemy. It’s a battle within themselves that prevents them from being humble. 

Pride is no joke, but the way God deals with pride is no joke, either! Story after story, example after example of how God dealt with prideful, stubborn, thick-headed people in the Word of God shows us that even though God resists the proud and hates how they are, He still will go through measures to wake them up and bring that pride to submission. He sent Nathan to King David to confront his adultery and murder. He turned King Nebuchadnezzar to live among the fields in an animal-like state, Jonah into the belly of a whale, and countless others into situations that dealt with their bodyguard– pride!

And that is what pride is. A protector. It rises up and defends against embarrassment in every form. Pride defends against being made a fool of. For some, that is the worst possible thing that could ever happen to a person. They have such an intense fear, hatred, and insecurity about being made a fool of that they would openly lie and deny every truth presented to them in order to keep themselves from every feeling of embarrassment. These fears go deep. But God CAN get to the heart and root of them and set them free. 

It’s not just our lost spouses that struggle with pride. Any Stander that struggles with letting their spouse get away with lying and needs to let their spouse know “I KNOW.” is dealing with pride. 

Matthew 23:12 says if we humble ourselves, GOD will exalt us and if we exalt ourselves, God is going to humble us.  And that is how it should be. BUT we want to humble our spouses instead. We want to be the one that let’s them know when they are wrong and making a fool out of us. When that happens, it’s now a battle between two prideful people, and God is out of it. ONLY when we step out of the ring in humility will God step in and deal with it for us. 

Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger

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I gave you some very deep insight here. IF you want to keep following this study, you can read further about the strange woman and flattering tongue spirits. 

https://marriagerevealedministries.com/the-snare-marriage-restoration/