I talk about deflection, and how every Stander needs to know and understand what it is so they can be wise and strong in understanding as they Stand. But there is one deflection that I have not shared about, which is a deflection that the Stander unknowingly falls into. 

This deflection is just as blinding and damaging as the one the lost spouse falls into because its goal is to keep the person bound in lies and prevent them from seeing where the real source of the problems is coming from. It’s an agenda of blaming the wrong thing, usually the enemy, so that the real thing, the real heart, and the root of the problem never gets changed. 

During my storm, I don’t remember the battle with the enemy, blaming the enemy. I didn’t share with my family that the devil was attacking me or my spouse. I was not around a group of people where I heard that all the time, so it never crossed my mind that everything I was going through was an “attack of the enemy.” I think that being in a place where we hear it often “I’m under attack” is teaching us some misconceptions.

Now, there were several times when the Lord revealed to me that there were some demonic strongholds that were present and needed to be prayed over. When I tried to take authority and loose them off my spouse, God stopped me and had me pray for my HUSBAND to resist and rise up against them himself in his inner man, which makes perfect sense now. It does no good to fight their battles for them, but for God to change their hearts to where they want those sinful pleasures gone because they no longer wish to go against the Lord.

We all know and understand the scripture that says that our battles are spiritual and that we do not fight against other humans. But I am here to tell you that we need to keep this in context, because the scripture also tells us that we are to die daily. And anyone that has tried to die to self, knows it’s a  BATTLE. That our flesh doesn’t just willingly lay down and succumb to what we know we need to do. 

How many times have you battled yourself knowing you are super angry and hurt and you are about to let loose? Know that you are out of control and you need to stop but you just can’t seem to? That is a battle that is NOT spiritual. You are not fighting strongholds, principalities like you think. 

 Put on all the armor that God gives you, so that you will be able to stand up against the Devil’s evil tricks. Ephesians 6:11

Evil tricks, schemes is the word methodeia-rooted in the word method. Meaning:a predictable (pre-set) method used in organized evil-doing (well-crafted trickery).

When we are told to armor up, let’s take a closer look at what we are armoring against.

“TRUTH as a belt tight around your waist” if our armor weapon is truth, then our enemy is lies and deception. Seeing something and believing its truth. Hearing circumstances or opinions from a lost person and believing it’s never going to change. That is the method, the tricks of the enemy. To get you to believe in what you are hearing and seeing as an impossible situation that will never change. 

“Righteousness as your breastplate” If we are to guard and protect our heart with righteousness, then we are being asked to judge our motives and keep ourselves pure in the reasons behind what we are praying for and why. Are we being self-centered, self-righteous? Are we seeking to use the Lord to gain back the idol we lost? Are we being led by our will, our flesh, our ambitions? Or are we in right standing with our case and cause? Praying and seeking God for the right reasons? Which are not just about marriage, but about the Lord’s relationship with our spouses, about the true salvation and saving of their souls. 

“your feet fitted with the readiness of the gospel of peace.” Are your feet fitted with peace or laced up with battle boots ready for an all-out war with your spouse? Are you preparing yourself with God’s Word to usher in an atmosphere of unity and calm, or are you geared up and ready to confront and cast that devil out of them when they step foot in the door?

“Take up the shield of faith so you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.” if the enemy has a method to persuade you to believe his lies, defeat your hope in God, discourage you with the circumstances, then God has a weapon for that. It’s the shield of faith. Faith is something you use to keep YOU persuaded to trust, have faith, confidence, and faithfulness to God by believing in Who He is and what HE is fighting for! 

“Put on salvation as your helmet” is a HUGE reminder that YOU are not as bad off as the situation would have you think. YOU are saved, secure, entrusted into the care of the Lord, where your spouse is lost, blind, in the clutches of the enemy, and in jeopardy of losing their soul. We need to always remind ourselves that no matter how bad things get here, we have been grafted in, we are adopted and a child of God that can’t be taken from us. 

“Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God.” Learning how to use the Word of God to encourage yourself through growing in your knowledge and understanding of Who He is and how much He cares and loves His children. We don’t use the sword of the spirit to cut down our spouses but use it to change us so we reflect Christ. We use the Word of God to help us with our own battles that we struggle with against lies, strongholds of roots that lie within our souls. Things that the Word of God can heal and bring deliverance to simply because it’s ALIVE and comes against those things that come against God. 

Yes, most often the things we battle daily and most often have nothing to do with the enemy at all. And we deflect and blame the enemy instead of realizing that it’s self-pity, stubbornness, pride, self-righteousness, or just plain old hurt that is manifesting as intense anger or bitterness………………….we avoid growing up in the Lord and remain stuck in the flesh.

The enemy gets to sit back and enjoy the show of us battling him when it’s not even him we are fighting. He will gladly take the blame if it means that Standers remain stuck in pride, disobedience, hurt, and bitterness. He especially loves when these things cover up and prevents forgiveness because withholding forgiveness gives him permission to torment them. 

So let’s talk about that for a moment. Blaming the enemy for tormenting you, when your disobedience is what gives him the right. The Word is crystal clear on this.  

Matthew 18:32 Then the master summoned him and declared, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave all your debt because you begged me. 33Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had on you?’ 34In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should repay all that he owed.35 That is how My heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”

 The battles we are in are mostly against strongholds of lies and deceptions that the enemy has established through the wickedness of man’s hearts. Like how it’s normal for a person to divorce their spouse, and almost a MUST if the spouse is unfaithful. We see the nature of the enemy being expressed in the World more and more each day as more and more evil is prevailing. The methods of the enemy is our battle, especially when we ourselves have fallen for many of the lies. To prevail, we must spend more time in God’s Word so we can be washed clean of the depictions through knowing the character and nature of the Lord. We need to recognize when things look like God, or look like the enemy. You can always tell someone doesn’t recognize God when they say “God wants me happy, would never want me to be a doormat and suffer.” Those who spend time in the Word for the RIGHT reasons, to get to know Him, instead of searching the Word to prove a point they are trying to make, will see the truth, know the truth, and it will set them free, helping them have victories over the battle within. 

Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger 


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(~Marriage Revealed Ministries Inc. is committed to helping bring healing and restoration to couples who are struggling in their marriage. We do this through the revelation of Who God is and His heart and design for marriage which never intends abuse in any form. If you suspect abuse in your relationship, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit them online at thehotline.org~