I pray God touches your heart through the Scriptures and paints this beautiful picture for you the way He showed it to me during the very first year of my storm – how He blueprinted a man to be.

He wants us to grasp how man is created in HIS image and holds HIS character, HIS traits, HIS needs, desires, and passions. Man is blueprinted after God. Man wants a wife, a family, and to BUILD his home, not tear it down. Man wants to be the head, not the tail, to provide, protect, and lead his family. A man was designed in every way to look up to God above and to look under his wing to protect his wife and children. He is, by nature, a protector!

A man that is sincerely living in headship, as a manager (the word husband is comes from the word manager), and given proper respect over his home, marriage, and family is a man living in the will of God. If he is in his proper headship with JESUS AS HIS TEACHER, he will NOT get frustrated, angry, or disappointed with God, his spouse, or his life to the point of walking away from it all to rebuild and start over somewhere else. A man needs to do what he was created to do, and if he succeeds and builds his home on the Rock, not sinking sand, that is where he will remain. He will remain because when you are IN God’s will, you become grounded in peace and remain content.

What man would build and establish his home, be content and at peace, only to turn around and destroy all that he built? A man that is established by the Lord in his headship and role will THRIVE under those proper conditions.

We have ALL heard this from our husbands, “I’m not HAPPY, and I’ve not been HAPPY for a very long time.” The word HAPPY is the only way they can summarize all the discontent, frustration, and disappointment. It all comes down to that word because they don’t have a clue what happened. They just know they are NOT HAPPY.

Because they don’t know, they are going to have a false start with someone else. And this is not just sand; it’s QUICKSAND!

In the Word of God, we learn the way to build your house on a solid foundation is to build it the way God planned and designed it, WITH GOD LEADING. 

“But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.” 1 Cor. 11:3 (NASB)

“For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man; for indeed man was not created for the woman’s sake, but woman for the man’s sake. Therefore the woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head.” 1 Cor. 11:8-10 (NASB)

The covering, protection, and dominion that man has over his wife is given to him by God and has a higher level of responsibility. It’s HIS job to cover and protect his wife and family. What if Adam had NOT eaten what Eve handed him?

Sin entered the world through Adam–not through Eve. Romans 5:12 says, “Therefore, just as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned.” Adam represented humanity and creation. When Adam fell, we fell. This is why the Word says,”. . . in Adam all die.” (1 Cor. 15:22). Romans 5:15 says, “For if by the transgression of the one [Adam] the many died, much more did the grace of God and the gift by the grace of the one Man, Jesus Christ, abound to the many.”

God created the Headship as a beautiful order to PROTECT the family, marriage, spouse, and children. A man that is treated properly in his home doesn’t want to run away and find a new home. A man that seeks God, who knows when things are improper and lovingly takes control, is a man this is building WITH God!

Now I am going to talk to the ladies here, but I want the men to take notice because this is how it’s supposed to be, and we teach people HOW to treat us. Women have stepped into the role of trying to guide their husbands’ steps, to be the Holy Spirit to them.

For women, our curse is outlined in Genesis 3:16, “Then he said to the woman, “I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to CONTROL your husband, but he will rule over you.”

A wife should not approach her husband as his manager. The word husband means “manager of his home.” I know many women assume that role because no one else is. I handle many things in our home, but I do NOT manage my husband. I am not in charge of his walk with God, how he manages his life, his money, his responsibility. That is GOD’s place.

Instead, we approach them as we should. Husbands are our headship, our covering, our manager. We can take our problems, cares, and concerns to them, and seek their help from the proper posture. “I need your help to solve this.” Instead of a management role where you position yourself with, “I have a problem, and this is how I want you to fix it.” We often mother them; this is disrespectful.

Women sometimes will fix it themselves and not even consider approaching their husbands. OR worse, they will go against what their husbands have asked of them. Remember, a man feels loved through the respect of his wife. They feel respected when they are treated as the headship or manager — the head and not the tail.

A man bullied, controlled, and disrespected by his wife will fall into a pit of unhappiness and frustration with his life. He dreams of something better, a place where he is in charge and can build his own home the way he wants, calling all the shots. He is being awakened to how God created him to be. He may try to fix things and change things with his spouse, but if she is not obedient to the conviction of the Holy Spirit there is going to be conflict, and things will get worse as they both fight to remain in the manager position. Sadly, this is when the enemy sees the spouse as RIPE for temptation. In comes the OW, ready to give your husband all that he desires. Everything about her is suitably disguised to entice him to fall into the trap. She gives him the respect, attention, flattery, and vision for the perfect future together.

This temptation to have what God meant for him to have is overwhelming; only he falls into error because he was expected to build this from the very beginning with his OWN WIFE, not someone else. The enemy is cunning and blinds the wife to this. She refuses to change, and in fact, gets more controlling, domineering, and demanding from fear, driving her husband straight into the arms of the other woman.

Now what?

As we zip our lips, letting our husbands build their new life on quicksand, we have to focus on ourselves. We have to address our trust, insecurity, fears, and unbelief. We need to put our husbands and marriage at the altar, trusting God is doing just as much of a work in them as He intends for us wives.

Trust God that, when YOU are ready or close to it, He will show your husband your new heart.

You want to build your house on the Rock, both of you. You can’t build on the Rock and have your husband come home unsaved and building on sand. That is NOT going to work. Unequally yoked! A house divided against itself cannot stand!

You MUST do whatever it takes to get your heart right with God’s plan; to see that salvation, Godly repentance, a new heart, and surrender to God is the ONLY hope for your spouse, marriage, and family.

It’s OK if God brings your spouse home before repentance. But it’s NOT ok for them to remain that way. You must keep zipping the lips, working hard on yourself to trust God and not pick back up the control by reason of fear. When my husband returned, I made the mistake to relax and believe that “sorry” was enough to change him. It wasn’t. Out of fear, I also tried to manage him again.

 Seek FIRST the kingdom of God for BOTH of you. Let that be the focal point of your prayers.

Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger