I am going to talk about a subject that is not easy to explain, which, therefore, can make it difficult to grasp.

Many of us are snared in bondages, and these snares come in many forms. We may want out of the consequences these snares bring, but the reason snares are powerful is because they are bringing benefit to something.

Benefits such as enjoyment, enrichment, appeasement, coping methods, or simply because it’s all we know and have not figured out a different way. Some of these snares keep us trapped simply because the path to freedom seems extremely difficult and almost impossible, which can convince us that it’s much easier to “just stay snared” rather than put in the hard work to be free.

I want to make sure you understand this. We only hold onto something when we believe it’s worth holding onto, or the pain to change creates more pain than remaining the same. We don’t usually put ourselves into more pain or endure the discomfort unless we are going to get something better out of it. We also have to be mentally prepared and be in the right season to face it. Many times we will put off something because we just can’t handle the mental load and strain that it requires to work through it. We have to be ‘up for it.’

Let’s discuss seasons for a moment here. Seasons are times when things are at the most opportune time to bring about the best possible outcome. You don’t plant a summer crop in the winter, just like you don’t try to diet during the holiday season. Seasons are very important to understand and consider as just because we are in a season where WE want something doesn’t mean others are in that same season or situation to give it.

I found a friend in food….a savior. It helped me through many tough times. It became something I loved, trusted, and depended upon. So I put up with all the other things it brought – the pain of shame, guilt, and condemnation of being very obese, as well as the physical pain it caused my body. The thought of losing my savior was unbearable. I felt I would surely die if I had to give up what food was giving me. So, I endured the pain of humiliation that being almost 450 pounds brought. At that time of my life, the pain of humiliation, fear of health decline, or even fear of my husband leaving me was not near as bad as the fear of how I would possibly survive without food helping me cope.

Here is another example – those that are in pain from bitterness, vengeance, or unforgiveness. Holding on to these things is giving them something they are not ready to give up. Usually, it’s a wrong understanding that forgiveness means they have to say “What I endured is meaningless, doesn’t matter and God wants me to let them off the hook and not pay consequences.” Since that is not something they can do, they will hold tight to their unforgiveness, anger, bitterness and vengeance. While those things bring about pain that is unnecessary, they will endure it because they are not about to let their offender free.

Situations involving the pain of rejection, unworthiness, and insecurity not only bring pain, but also fear, desperation, and impatience. What does holding on to these bring?

I know for me, personally, it was just much easier to accept that I was not worthy and easier to reject, or place myself, into an already rejected understanding. Daring to hope that I really could be loved, accepted, and found worthy, was way too scary. I could not bear being rejected, or made to feel “less than”, anymore. It was so much easier to live “at the bottom”, rather than fall that far and hit hard. No thank you! Been there, done that! But again, living at the bottom brings a lot of pain… just not as much pain as putting yourself out there and getting hurt.

There are other places we can remain – self-pity, victim mentality, defeated, or critical. We can also remain in unbelief, disbelief, analytical, or even gullible. We allow ourselves to remain stuck in these places because – while they are painful – there is something we are getting out of remaining there, or something that we believe is going to be beyond what we can endure and bear, in order to be free. So….we stay in bondage!

The thing about being a Christian is that in order to get everything we want, we are required  to do the opposite of what our flesh wants, or what the world has taught us, or normalized. To get what we want, we have to choose a path that is foreign to us, that ‘set-apart’ path that is not familiar to us!

That is why we are at constant war within ourselves.

But I see another law at work in my body, warring against the law of my mind and holding me captive to the law of sin that dwells within me. Romans 7:23

We want to be free from the pain of being hurt, offended, feeling rejected. Our pride and flesh say, “to be satisfied, we must feel that our pain matters”. So, the offender must pay a price. However, since we are believers, we are not allowed to give in to what our flesh says. We have to accept that Jesus paid the price and our offenders don’t owe us…. they answer to God and He is in charge of their consequences, not us. That is a battle faced by those who deal with pride, bitterness, and anger.

For those in self-pity, they want to get their way, because they are tired of feeling unloved, unvalued, unworthy, and unwanted. They want God to hear them, and give them what they need. Since they have always felt unworthy to approach God, the only way they know how, is by trying to make God feel sorry for them. They will use self-pity as a way to try and manipulate God and others, to get their needs met.

The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. Galatians 5:17

 It’s very easy to live in a place of the victim, but the truth is that we are choosing that place as a dwelling, long after we have been shown the door to freedom.  We may remain in bondage, and blame the offender for keeping us there, but after a while, we have to see and understand, that  God won’t let us blame our offenders. When we have been shown the truth over and over again, yet we keep choosing flesh and bondage, we are held accountable for our choices. The deception is that, we think, blaming is going to free us from being accountable. It is not!

If you want freedom, you must forgive – you must do the very opposite of what your flesh is telling you, to get the very thing you want most. To be free, you must submit. To be healed and whole you must challenge those things you believe in, that are keeping you hostage and bound in lies. You must face those things you are complacent about.

You can’t be a Christian and hate being inconvenienced or hate suffering or persecution. If you want to be happy above being holy, then you need to rethink what you surrendered your life to.  To be a child of God means that you have to lose the flesh, to fit through the narrow gate.  There are many who are not going to fit through that narrow gate because they were too attached to their flesh and being comfortable in life. One thing that standing did, was teach me not to be afraid of suffering, be uncomfortable, or become weary from doing good. Praise God that standing taught me how even though picking up my cross was by far the hardest thing I have ever done, it was the most beneficial thing I needed to learn.

So the last thing I am going to leave you with, is this: When the Israelites were enslaved in Egypt, even though they were slaves, they felt secure. The wilderness journey to the Promised Land was not something they wanted to endure. They would have rather headed back to where they knew they were slaves, but at least knew what to expect. They had food and water and didn’t have to trust God. They didn’t have to have their faith tested, or have to be matured and grown. The road to the Promised Land should have been quick, if they had endured and trusted that God is good and not out to hurt or harm them . But they could not. They kept accusing Him of being something He wasn’t. They could not believe He was a loving Father, that if you kindly asked and expected Him to provide, with thanksgiving, He would. Instead, they insulted Him over and over, by complaining that He was inconsiderate and unloving, without realizing what they were doing. They were telling Him that they would rather be slaves, than be His children.

May we not make that same mistake!

Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger

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