At the beginning of the Stand, I see many who are totally engulfed with the circumstances of what is going on. How could they not be? Their world is suddenly turned over, inside out, upside down and they can’t navigate through this life the way they always had. So they try to get things back to normal instead of trying to learn how to walk and live in this new world. But that is what is needed. 

Everything has changed and God is asking YOU to adapt. YOU to learn a new thing instead of trying to get things back to the way you had come to know and were comfortable with. But we rebel against this because it’s foreign and terrifying, and we can become very stubborn and fight Him on this.

So what is it that Standers are dealing with that they must learn to adapt to? The biggest one is living according to the spirit and not the flesh. Learning to hear and see with your spirit and to stop relying on your eyes and what your spouse is telling and showing you.

The more obsessed with the lost spouse you are, the more you will struggle with adapting into the world of “walk by faith, not by sight.”

So we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are unseen; for the things which are visible are temporal [just brief and fleeting], but the things which are invisible are everlasting and imperishable. 2 Cor 4:18 AMP



I was a very “obsessed with my spouse” type person at the beginning of my Stand. I had not learned by experience Who God was, so it was hard to trust Him. I had always handled everything on my own because I was driven by fear to be in control, and obsessing was a way for me to remain there.

Since I was trying to control getting my true love back, obsessing felt right and gave me some sort of the control I needed. “Letting go and letting God” is NOT something a controlling person wants to do. Needs to? Yes, but it’s a genuine struggle in the heart motive, terrifying for a controller to hand that over and learn to live in the peace that comes when you admit, “I don’t have this. I can’t force this. I am not going to get MY WAY and make my spouse or God do what I want.”

Fear is the driving force behind most controllers. And that fear is usually deeply rooted in self. One of the ways obsessing helped me remain in control was by causing me to analyze and draw my own conclusions and form assumptions that eased my pain.

I want you to really pause and take that in. When things were SO out of control. Analyzing helped me feel some control. But this ONLY fed the obsession and enforced walking by sight, because I was not analyzing what God was saying, but what I was seeing and hearing. To walk by faith, you must stop analyzing what is happening in the natural!

This close scrutiny of them in the natural is only going to bear BAD fruit, such as:

When I was feeling self-pity, or battling with any SELF-type issues, obsessing fed it and dragged me deeper into despair until anger rose up and hardened my heart to where I felt like I hated my spouse. This often comes about when a person is caught in vindication-type thoughts when they are really seeking a type of healing.

But you are obsessed with whether the godless will be judged. Don’t worry, judgment and justice will be upheld. Job 36:17

Seeking vindication usually leads to a type of deflection that degrades or devalues the spouse. This type of thinking, being trapped in your own mind, self, feelings, or emotions will lead to mental breakdowns where you feel like you are being attacked by the enemy when in truth, your own refusal to yield and hand control over to God is causing the “attack.” It was pure mental exhaustion that led me to cry out to God to “MAKE IT STOP.”

This is KEY!


This weariness and mental exhaustion will bring you to a crossroads. A place where you have to choose to continue onward in the way you were going, give up entirely and move on, or give up control and yield to God. Two options are about you, and one is about Him.

The battle is fierce at these crossroads. You are torn between self, fear, and control, and the nagging voice that keeps reminding you this is not working and to give up. We are being asked, even driven to give up. But not in the way we want. Controllers want to give up, move on, and keep their controlling nature intact. God is asking for a “giving up” that keeps you where you are at, but yields the fear and the desire to be in control while you find the peace that comes when you are able to trust Him enough to “let go and let God.”

A crossroads is a tough place, but it presents great opportunities. Each time I denied myself, died a little more, and chose the path of obedience, it became less of me and more of Him. I grew! I went deeper into my confidence and knowledge of Him. Choosing the right path has great rewards for your soul!

So how do you yield and learn to trust, let go when you have been in control all this time? I put that control to good use. 

I had to remake my atmosphere around me; take control of my unruly mind. From the moment I woke up and until I fell asleep, I had something loud on to listen to – Youtube Sermons, or an audio Bible app. Lying on my face in worship, ALL DAY I forced myself to focus on HIM. I stopped talking about my spouse to God and to others. Instead, I spoke about God.

I forced myself to praise and worship. I pursued God! And guess what, I found Him! I kept seeking, knocking, and HE OPENED TO ME. He embraced me and poured HIS REAL LOVE INTO ME. That blockage I had where I wanted to love Him and make Him more important than my spouse was SMASHED and I fell in love. DEEPLY IN LOVE.

At the heights overlooking the road, at the crossroads, she takes her stand. Proverbs 8:2 Holman Bible

That crossroads is powerful, and many must confront fear; fearing they will convey a message to God that they no longer want the spouse back. They believe the obsession is a way of communicating their desire for restoration, and if they choose peace, God won’t move on their behalf. Remember, God knows your heart, your motives, fears, and what drives you better than you know yourself. He knows when you are holding onto something as a way of manipulating Him into doing your will. Instead, have faith and trust that His will will be done! If you align your will with His, then what do you have to fear?!

So, for those obsessive thinkers…..learn to recognize your obsession and practice relaxing and putting your mind to rest. Face those fears and process them in prayer as you seek Him first.

Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger