I first want to start off saying that no two Stands are alike and the Holy Spirit’s wisdom and guidance is a MUST for each person. We have restored Standers who were led by placing boundaries, having no boundaries, or changing direction and going from one to the other when God led them. 

NOTE: This article is not addressing abuse. ANY emotional or physical abuse must be handled properly and immediately.

What are boundaries?

A healthy boundary is something you set up for YOURSELF! It’s all about YOU and keeping yourself from their mess, and about mental stability. Its created to stop you from doing something that brings harm, like losing your temper, keeping you fixed and focused on them.

What they aren’t!

 It’s not rooted in punishment, making yourself a consequence, “Well this is what you get and deserve.” Making a boundary to force them to change or see what you need them to see.

Any boundary that came about because:

  • You feel like a doormat
  • They are not paying child support
  • Not seeing the children or allowing you to see the children
  • “Having their cake and eating it to”
  • A strong desire for revenge, malice, to make them wake up.
  • They derserve or don’t deserve.

These are usually boundaries set in place through heart motives that need to be dealth with.

When my Stand first started, I was very much in charge of everything. I set the boundaries and punishment. I told him to leave, not expecting he would. But he did. And I set boundaries in place as to what he could and could not do. That was the final straw for him. He purposely broke every one of them in rebellion.

Those boundaries I had set up were to keep him from sin, not to keep me in peace.

As my Stand progressed, God stripped me of every boundary that I erected for him and helped me form some for myself. Now, THESE were boundaries that were good for ME, and keeping me in peace.

My boundaries were no snooping, no more talking to his friends, calling and looking for him. No more sitting up by the window. No more texting him angry messages or asking when he was coming home. No more confronting him when he walked in the door all hours of the night. Never to engage if he had been drinking. If he was angry, to give him space.

Some other good boundaries:

  •  No not expose them to others on social media
  • Don’t ask them quetions they are not prepared to answer.
  • Do not invite them to places, or to do things unless you have given ample prayer time.
  • No expectations
  • No reaching out when insecurity comes
  • Seek God as your provider first!

 I crossed the line, and broke my boundaries many times, and there were always really bad consequences for ME. I paid dearly. I lost my peace and through the enemy got severely attacked. I learned quickly to keep my nose to myself and stick with what kept me in God’s refuge.

I believe because there are a lot of women who are controlling, instead of passive, it’s why we hear more often that God directs them to not set up boundaries. But we must not make that a rule. The RULE is we seek the counsel of the Holy Spirit because He knows what is best for both you and your spouse!

But either way, it’s all about God leading and teaching you to TRUST and lean on Him. Whether you’re built or stripped it’s going to take learning to change, come out of your comfort zone and completely trust and rely on God.

Standing with You,
Sheila Hollinger  


IF our ministry has blessed you, and you want to SOW in faith into marriage restoration and the work God is doing, would you consider GIVING?
ebooks & Magazines
Email Devotional & Support
FB support group,
ZOOM meetings
Want to be a Guest Writer? 

(~Marriage Revealed Ministries Inc. is committed to helping bring healing and restoration to couples who are struggling in their marriage. We do this through the revelation of Who God is and His heart and design for marriage which never intends abuse in any form. If you suspect abuse in your relationship, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit them online at thehotline.org~