Sheila’s Note: As I read this testimony from a dear sister in Christ who is now the Stander, so many things are in this that need talking about.  She was snared by the man because of his flattering tongue. I’m sure this flattery, making her feel loved, wanted, attractive is what kept her wanting more, becoming desperate to hold onto him. We often don’t realize it’s not the other person that snares us, but the other’s persons charm, the way they make us feel about ourselves, how they fill the void that is deep in us. And when we finally get that, we will do whatever to hold onto it.

Another thing to note, is what happened when they tried to work on the marriage. She was not ready. The marriage is not what caused her to fall for the snare of the enemy. I’ve seen this over an over. A spouse that comes back to the marriage, needs time to work with God to uncover and discover what were the real reasons behind them falling for the enemy’s deception and what was used to snare them. But her husband was trying to heal, and he was trying to get HER to heal him instead of turning to the Lord.  This pressure that we can put onto each other can cause more division than unity. I pray her story blesses and encourages you.

Sheila

 

January 2011, my husband and I had been married 18 years with 3 children. We had that picturesque image that symbolized the “family that prays together, stays together” until we weren’t…just for a short moment.

It all happened so fast, just within a few short months. One of my children and I were asked to be on team for a weekend co-ed teens church retreat; men & women/teen girls & teen boys. The team began meeting once a week for the next 3 months preparing for the retreat. Everyone was so helpful and so involved in making sure this retreat would go well. Slowly, a certain “man” and I began a simple conversation with each other, nothing personal. #1 rule, teen boy & teen girl/man or woman are not to meet, talk or be “alone” unless a 3rd person is present.

After weeks of attending team meetings, the other man (OM) and I began to look for one another and sit close to each other. Conversations remained platonic and always with a 3rd person present. Yet, I gravitated towards OM, not even realizing the pull.

During the weekend of the retreat, during a time of reflection, OM sat next to me and began telling me all about his failing relationship. I love my husband, my children, and my life, so I didn’t share anything with him. However, because he was the good-looking bachelor at church and sharing his personal information with me of all women, I was flattered. For the remainder of the weekend, we continued to save the empty seats next to each other to ensure we would be close. After the weekend was over, there was no immediate contact until one week later.

I received a “Hey stranger, you miss me?” sort of text. Oh my gosh, OM had not forgotten about me. It began with texts, then email so I didn’t have to delete so many messages before I got home, calls on my office phone, and then meeting a few times a week for lunch. Never dinner, or weekend calls or texts since I was with my husband and family and he was with his girlfriend.

We only shared kisses at first, but eventually, became intimate. I even walked into church the following morning but was only hoping to see the OM.

I was so into him but I knew in the pit of my stomach, this was ALL WRONG! I could not keep food down, much less eat, because this convicting feeling was so strong and heavy. I love my husband! Why was I continuing to choose to do this? It was out of my control. OM even talked about getting a place of our own; and getting a larger vehicle for our “combined families.” I recall telling OM I already have a home and a vehicle for my family. I was so blinded and didn’t even snap to the truth coming from my own mouth.

My husband sensed something was completely off with my attitude, my behavior, my cold demeanor, and how I would jerk away, even if he wanted to give me a hug. I didn’t want to be held by my husband. I wanted the OM. I missed him in the evenings and weekends. A few times, I purposely began arguments with my husband just to leave in a fake fury to meet the OM.

My husband was always waiting up for me, though. He wanted to be angry but was so glad I was finally home. I felt I didn’t need to apologize for my behavior or for the hurtful words I spewed at him. I justified my rebellion, telling my husband, since he chose to work over me and how neglected I felt, that I was now enjoying my time out with friends. My husband never stopped showing love and never stopped telling me how much he needed and appreciated me. All this time, I would literally just walk away from him after professing his feelings for me.

Any kind gesture my husband showed me, my reaction was distant and cold. I wanted him to just stop and leave me alone. I didn’t want him and at times, I felt such conviction, I didn’t want the OM either.

After weeks of behaving like an idiot, it all came to a screeching halt the day after Memorial Day weekend. I had taken the day off and was at home. I received a call from a friend who worked with my husband, he had been asking her if she knew what was going on with me. He then looked at phone records and saw the OM number countless times for almost 2 months. My husband walked into our home shortly after and asked me if it was the guy from church. I denied it, but after he showed me the phone records he had printed, I reluctantly admitted I was seeing the OM. In disbelief and in anger, my husband asked if I was willing to lose our marriage and family for him.

At that moment, I instantly recall feeling shame, guilt, embarrassment, anger, and disgust for my actions. My husband and I argued, but through it all, I was so upset OM & I had been discovered. I was more fearful of losing the OM than I was about losing my husband and family. He took my phone, and I left our home. After a few hours, my husband called me at my parent’s home and told me he confronted the OM and told him never to contact me again. The OM turned the story around and stated I had initiated everything; I was the one contacting him; he just wanted to be left alone with his girlfriend. (There are definitely two sides to every story.)

I came home later that day only after trying desperately to talk to the OM. Of course, he denied saying all those things to my husband. We decided to cool things down for a few weeks. It turns out my husband put fear in him to not try and contact me again. This only made me want him more.

Knowing I needed time to heal, as well as try to forget the OM, my husband decided to move out for 2 weeks and stayed with a friend of ours to give me space. This was what I really wanted. I wanted my husband away and distance from the OM to think about what I really wanted and how I was going to make a new life alone with just my children.

Only just a few days after my husband confronted OM, he contacted me. We began our secret calls from my office phone again so his number wouldn’t show up on the phone records. Just a day or two after my husband came back home, my husband confronted me and told me OM contacted him again and stated I was still bugging him; that he just wanted to be left alone so he and his girlfriend could plan their wedding in just 2 months. WHAT!!! I admitted to my husband OM & I had mutually been in contact again. I apologized to my husband and asked for forgiveness.

I feel this was when the blinders began slowly lifting off from my eyes. I sent one last email to the OM stating he needed to stop lying to himself and to others and how sorry I felt for his sons who had a coward for a “dad.” Never heard from him again. I also contacted the OM’s girlfriend, apologized to her, and answered any questions she asked.

Later that day, I was with family when my husband showed up to meet us. Pulling me aside, he told me he confronted OM again about contacting me. OM agreed to stay away. At that moment, as I was looking at my husband, I saw such pain in his eyes.

Looking back, I know God showed me my husband’s heart and how hard he had been working, determined, to save his family.

I still needed healing, and I knew my heart wasn’t where it needed to be, so together, my husband and I began our road to restoration with marriage counseling. But even that seemed to harden my heart again. I felt like I was being forced to tell all and live it all over again. I began to victimize myself.  But I knew my husband needed this, so I was the obedient wife and continued to go with him. His heart was in such turmoil and anger, trying to overcome and deal with the fact that I had cheated and that I was willing to break up our family. I didn’t have much compassion for him, though. I had my own pain to deal with. I repeatedly told him he should be glad I was home and that we were all under the same roof again. He asked questions and wanted truthful answers, even if the truth hurt, and even if it was at 3am. Although I did answer them truthfully, it wasn’t enough. He wanted me to hurt as much he did. I knew I hurt my husband to the core. I just didn’t know how to help him. He turned to God. The leader of our home turned to God, which lead me to Him as well!

The restoration process was more painful than the crooked road of sin but in hindsight, it was worth it. We attended marriage counseling weekly. Met with the church priest and married through the church in November 2011. We were both still healing but we knew as long as God was in the center, this road would be so much better. We were both involved with various church ministries and we knew as long as we clung to His Word, we would be good.

In December 2017, I noticed my husband began to be distant and we eventually stopped going to mass and dropped out of the ministries.

Seeing an unknown storm brewing, I didn’t know how exactly to “leave it all” to God or what it meant to feel godly repentance nor about being born again. I just knew I needed to be a better wife and mother because the Bible tells us, and I did for the next 7 years. This new way of living was all revealed to me shortly after another storm hit in August 2018.

This time, I would be the one standing for my marriage and family.

I clung to Christ trusting fully, His way is the only way. During this time, God has given me a desire to be a better daughter for Him, a better wife for my husband, a better mother for our children, and stronger in my faith in Him to do the impossible.

I am reborn to Him and currently standing in the gap for my husband’s and children’s salvation.

I am currently waiting for the return of my beloved husband in His perfect time. Even though zero contact of 4 1/2 years, I pray for this man every day because if I don’t pray for him, who will? God ordained and bound this man to me because He knew I would be the wife to take on this assignment. I love my husband more today than I ever have since we first met in 1993.

Women do repent and come home!

This journey has been the worst but definitely has been the best because Christ found me and I know I am forgiven by our Loving God. He did it for me. He will do it for my husband, and he will do it for you and your spouse.

God bless you!

A Standing Wife

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