For 19 years I had lived in a place of control and managing my life and my husband, so when I finally understood what letting go meant, that I would no longer be in control, it didn’t free me; it terrified me.
I did NOT want my era of power to end.
To give up control and let God have it, meant I was subjecting myself to being vulnerable and putting my life entirely in God’s hands. But what if it was NOT what I wanted? What if God’s plans were nowhere close to “Sheila’s plans?” At that time in my life, I didn’t understand God or His love. That is why it was incredibly hard to trust Him with my life because I just didn’t understand His motives.
What if God asked me to give up my marriage? What if God was not going to restore my marriage?
Nope! Not gonna happen. I was too afraid of being vulnerable and totally in the hands of God, so I kept control. I kept pounding the Truth into my husband’s head. I kept telling him he was wrong, acting like a spoiled teenager, telling him what GOD thought about it all. I was telling him TRUTH!
What did he hear? Well, that was a different story. He never really heard what I was saying, all he heard was “my wife is afraid and using her fears to control and manipulate me. She is trying to cause me to be afraid and using God to get what she wants. She doesn’t care about me and my happiness, only herself and what she wants. She is trying to make me feel guilty by using the kids and doesn’t want me to think about me for a change.” That is what he heard!
He was right! Nothing I was saying to him was from a pure heart and motive. It was all from fear, all from trying to get him to give me what I wanted. I used God and used His truths to beat my husband back into submission. Bad Sheila!!! Bad!
That is what letting go is. Letting go of our motives, our reasons, our fears, our manipulation through seduction, and learning to trust God to handle it in His way, His time, His purpose. All the while, we willingly let that era of ruling go.
We can’t serve God as our Master and remain on the throne. That seat is not meant for two. We can’t set up a seat alongside Him, boss Him or pout and get angry at Him and how He is handling things either. We must sit AT HIS FEET and do what He says, when He says, and accept WHY He has asked. We must learn to trust in WHO He is and that His motives are pure and driven out of love above all else.
Many of us left our parents’ house and entered into a time of being in total control of our lives. We confessed that we believed Him to be Lord and Savior, but never handed Him that title in our lives, and instead kept control and a firm grip on that position.
It’s ONLY through Standing that we have learned what it feels like to be genuinely helpless and out of control. So, Standing has had a more significant impact on us than we realize. It has opened our eyes up to something. Being in control and ruling out of fear is an illusion. That which is built on fear is not built on the Rock and will fall apart.
What is built on control and manipulation is not built on love and trust and WILL be destroyed. And what is not constructed with God as the founder, WILL implode from the inside out, and have to be rebuilt…the right way!
The only way to easily let go is when you have come to learn about Who He is through His Word; to learn His nature, His love, and His intentions. When you understand He is FOR you, not against you, that His motives are rooted in love, it’s so much easier to trust Him and let go!
Time to let go of the kingdom you have built. To see that you can’t be a child of God and fight Him. He will ALWAYS win!
Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger
