This article is for women to gain insight and understanding into the blueprint of a man, how God created him and what he needs from his wife. It’s meant to help us understand that even if they are not walking the ways of an honorable man with Jesus as Lord and Savior, dignified in truth and actions, we are still called to respect our men.

Why? Because as women we have the power to build and tear apart. We can help our men learn who they are in Christ because through our RESPECT, we can make Jesus look more attractive. We can’t profess to be a follower of Jesus, and then tear down our men to the point that we sour the Character of God!

 We often hear the phrase, “building respect.” But I am hear to tell you that respect BUILDS, and disrespect TEARS DOWN and FURTHER destroys a man who may already be hanging by a thread.

Respect is the most misunderstood topic among women. When I looked up ways to respect your man, I found these tips: Greet them at the door with a cold drink. Make sure you kiss him hello and goodbye. Cook him his favorite foods. While there is nothing wrong with these things, it’s not leading women to understand the difference between love and respect. We do the above things out of love.

Respect is a heart issue. It’s addressing how we truly see, understand and know the blueprint of someone. Most women don’t respect because we see most men, if not all men as fallen in our eyes. We judge them by the men of our past and present who have hurt us and are no longer worthy to be respected. We see men that lie, cheat, and abandon their wives, family, and responsibilities. We see women having to step up and become the heroes of the hour. We may believe women “deserve” more respect than men because men have fallen far from the blueprint and design of how they were created to be.

But respect is NOT about what is deserved. It’s about God asking us to be obedient. The Word of God doesn’t request, it tells us “wives you MUST RESPECT your husbands” Eph 5:33

What is the Word used here? Must respect is ONE word 5399. Phobeó–fear, dread, reverence: to reverence, venerate, to treat with deference or reverential obedience:

I will tell you, that right now, I don’t see a lot of husbands acting in ways that deserve our honor and reverence. It was extremely hard for me to understand why God, in the middle of my storm asked me to posture myself with respect to my husband. I could not, because I truly did not understand what respect was, and I had too much hate, hurt and resentments against MEN. In fact, I came into the marriage with this disrespect towards ALL MEN. I saw them as nothing but a gender that hurt women. It was the reason I controlled. To prevent my husband from doing what I knew men do…..lie and cheat. It broke my heart to realize that I had this bitter judgment against all men. But it gave me hope that God was there to help me overcome. He showed me how a man loses his identity and becomes submissive to women through rejection and manipulations.

God was my faithful Teacher. He took me into a beautiful season of showing and revealing to me how He created man in HIS IMAGE! It’s an understanding that I hold onto dearly because not only do I have a husband, I have two sons as well, and I want them to walk with their heads high and know who they were created to be. One of the most profound things I ever heard was that we are to respect our SONS! I have since taken on the responsibility of teaching my daughter how to respect her father AND her brothers.

But what does that look like? 1 Peter 3 is VERY profound, but often not fully opened up in awareness because it HAS to be joined with 1 Peter 2. Since this is such a large Scripture to insert, I have placed it at the bottom of the article for you to read in the Amplified Classic.

Without a true revelation and understanding from God about how He created man to be, your heart will fake respect. So the first thing you need to do is seek God for your heart.

Release and forgive every man who has hurt and wounded you. Ask God to remove every root of rejection and bitterness, resentments that have formed a stronghold in your mind and heart. This is the root of why we can’t respect. You must release the belief that men are unworthy.

What was God’s INTENTIONS when He created man? When your heart is ready. Ask God to reveal to you HIS heart about man. What He sees and knows. Reading about Adam helped me. How God established Adam to have dominion over the earth BEFORE He created Eve. God needed time with Adam ALONE to set in Adam’s heart his identity without any interference. God gave Adam the responsibility of naming all the animals without Eve. Read ESTABLISHED IN THE GARDEN

The biggest eye-opening thing I saw was the scripture that says that we fell because ADAM ate of the fruit, not Eve. Even though she ate first, she did not have the power to bring man down, Adam did! 

“For as by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous.”  Start at vs 12: Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned: Romans 5:19

I made sure this did not include Eve, (one flesh). ONE MAN means: Individually. Singles him apart from her.  “the one, whom I have named,”

I know the struggle is real to respect and honor a man who is NOT even close to His image or has any desire to follow righteousness. I could not do it without God showing me just WHAT to give respect to.

He asked me to sow into the man who God knew was IN THERE. He showed me that my lost husband was displaying the fruits of being lost. He showed me that my husband had a history of being hurt and rejected by women starting in the womb. That the REAL MAN was a broken boy and through sowing respect, and love into that broken boy, it would help him. God really got my attention with that. To treat my husband as I wanted him to be, not as who he was right then. No, it was not easy, and no it did not happen overnight. It was a daily, DYING TO MYSELF and what my flesh was screaming for me to do.

I wanted to remain above him in my self-righteous position as “I am right, walking right, you are wrong, walking in sin” and keep looking down my nose at him. How on earth was I to look UP to this man? If you are sincere with wanting to be obedient to God, He will lead you and guide you.

God showed me that I needed to change my approach, my tone, my words and my obedience. I had to learn to listen to my husband. REALLY listen without my pride trying to make me explain and defend myself.

I had to swallow my pride and realize that my husband had misunderstood my intentions a lot because of how I had approached him disrespectfully. Our approach will alter our words, our true intent will be lost through an attitude of disrespect!

Each time I tried to defend and explain myself, my husband got frustrated with me because I was not validating his feelings and how he felt. I never cared about how he took it and felt, I only cared about clearing my name and making me not appear the bad guy.

God also taught me how to approach my husband. He taught me that my posture and how I greeted him at the door set the stage. Was I a welcoming mat, or a woman with a bat in her hand ready to beat him up when he came home? I learned how to go to GOD first, sit quiet in His refuge so I could release all my anger and pain and be a peaceful wife.

  • Did I approach him and respect him when he was not ready to talk? Or did I force it upon him, chasing him from room to room?
  • Did I ask him for help in solving problems or was I demanding that he must fix it, and then telling him how?
  • Did I react to his anger and his rants with respect or did I again rise above in self-righteousness? Trying to shame, guilt, condemn him?

We are allowed to talk. We are allowed to have feelings and needs to discuss things with our husbands. But there is a proper way to do this. Seeking God’s help to control the feelings and emotions. Whenever I focused on the problems instead of the One that gives Solutions, I would work myself up into more pain and anger until I felt justified to let loose. But when I got with God first, confessed and poured my heart out and found peace. I was able to then approach my husband from a place of peace, enter into a respectful conversation that in return was beneficial to our marriage.

I’ve given you a lot of meat here. I pray that God will open your understanding and help you see through truth and wisdom.

Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger

For further reading, Prudent Wife/Help Meet, RESPECT

 1 PETER 2 and 3 

You must read chapter 2 to understand chapter 3. Because 3 starts out saying  “In like manner” which means, just like I described previously, I’m telling you this applies here too!

1 Peter 2 Amplified Bible, Classic Edition (AMPC)

9 But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a dedicated nation, [God’s] own purchased, special people, that you may set forth the wonderful deeds and display the virtues and perfections of Him Who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.

10 Once you were not a people [at all], but now you are God’s people; once you were unpitied, but now you are pitied and have received mercy.

11 Beloved, I implore you as aliens and strangers and exiles [in this world] to abstain from the sensual urges (the evil desires, the passions of the flesh, your lower nature) that wage war against the soul.

12 Conduct yourselves properly (honorably, righteously) among the Gentiles, so that, although they may slander you as evildoers, [yet] they may by witnessing your good deeds [come to] glorify God in the day of inspection [when God shall look upon you wanderers as a pastor or shepherd looks over his flock].

13 Be submissive to every human institution and authority for the sake of the Lord, whether it be to the emperor as supreme,

14 Or to governors as sent by him to bring vengeance (punishment, justice) to those who do wrong and to encourage those who do good service.

15 For it is God’s will and intention that by doing right [your good and honest lives] should silence (muzzle, gag) the ignorant charges and ill-informed criticisms of foolish persons.

16 [Live] as free people, [yet] without employing your freedom as a pretext for wickedness; but [live at all times] as servants of God.

17 Show respect for all men [treat them honorably]. Love the brotherhood (the Christian fraternity of which Christ is the Head). Reverence God. Honor the emperor.

18 [You who are] household servants, be submissive to your masters with all [proper] respect, not only to those who are kind and considerate and reasonable, but also to those who are surly (overbearing, unjust, and crooked).

19 For one is regarded favorably (is approved, acceptable, and thankworthy) if, as in the sight of God, he endures the pain of unjust suffering.

20 [After all] what [f]kind of glory [is there in it] if, when you do wrong and are punished for it, you take it patiently? But if you bear patiently with suffering [which results] when you do right and that is undeserved, it is acceptable and pleasing to God.

21 For even to this were you called [it is inseparable from your vocation]. For Christ also suffered for you, leaving you [His personal] example, so that you should follow in His footsteps.

22 He was guilty of no sin, neither was deceit (guile) ever found on His lips.

23 When He was reviled and insulted, He did not revile or offer insult in return; [when] He was abused and suffered, He made no threats [of vengeance]; but he trusted [Himself and everything] to Him Who judges fairly.

24 He personally bore our sins in His [own] body on the tree [as on an altar and offered Himself on it], that we might die (cease to exist) to sin and live to righteousness. By His wounds you have been healed.

25 For you were going astray like [so many] sheep, but now you have come back to the Shepherd and Guardian (the Bishop) of your souls.

1 Peter chapter 3

3 In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives,

2 When they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him—to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].

3 Let not yours be the [merely] external adorning with [elaborate] [b]interweaving and knotting of the hair, the wearing of jewelry, or changes of clothes;

4 But let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which [is not anxious or wrought up, but] is very precious in the sight of God.

5 For it was thus that the pious women of old who hoped in God were [accustomed] to beautify themselves and were submissive to their husbands [adapting themselves to them as themselves secondary and dependent upon them].

6 It was thus that Sarah obeyed Abraham [following his guidance and acknowledging his headship over her by] calling him lord (master, leader, authority). And you are now her true daughters if you do right and let nothing terrify you [not giving way to hysterical fears or letting anxieties unnerve you].

7 In the same way you married men should live considerately with [your wives], with an intelligent recognition [of the marriage relation], honoring the woman as [physically] the weaker, but [realizing that you] are joint heirs of the grace (God’s unmerited favor) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [Otherwise you cannot pray effectively.]