A person without God is going to come to a crossroads in their life, most often during the “Mid-life” season. They may be at the place where they are fed up and want better as they feel full of discontent and regrets. This has been brewing in them for a while. It’s the pressure from the Holy Spirit to come to maturity. But many harden their hearts to God and keep refusing Him. The pressure becomes so great in some of them they feel a longing, a deep want of something better. “This can’t be all that this life has to offer?”

Many of them are so blind to what this longing is. They know they are missing out on something. They feel the pull of REAL love, but they get led astray with the counterfeit that satan sends in the form of a person. Sometimes that person seems like the perfect package with money, fun and promises. Satan has groomed these other people to really know how to flatter, manipulate and say just the right words and do the right things. Seduction plays a huge part, seducing the flesh, mind, heart and soul. They seduce every part of your spouse until the temptation is unbearable. Since there are no real grounded roots to keep them from being led away, they are easy prey.

Jesus talks about the lost son, lost sheep and lost coin. ALL of these people have a problem with their life. They are not happy with what they have. The son seeks a better life, the sheep leave the flock, and the coin gets lost within the mess. None of these examples that Jesus gave blame the people left behind. It was NEVER about YOU. Yes, the woman with the lost coin does give the example she has a lot of house cleaning to do before that lost coin is found.

“Or what woman, having ten silver coins, if she loses one coin, does not light a lamp, sweep the house, and search carefully until she finds it?” (NKJV Luke 15:8-10).

Spouses that choose to run away from God and enter into a life of sin, need a reason; A REALLY good reason to do this. They need something solid to tell their parents, their friends, and their families, WHY! They usually don’t say “Well, I am so unhappy with me and how I managed my life that I chose to go make a better one with someone else. I have chosen to abandon my spouse, kids, home, financial responsibility because that is what I feel like doing.” This kind of reasoning sounds ludicrous, even to them.

So…………the enemy gives them the reasons they are looking for and a partner to help STOP the doubts and double-mindedness that the conviction of the Holy Spirit keeps surrounding them with. The enemy has been keeping a list of everything you have ever done wrong to your spouse, even slightly wrong. They now lay that out before your spouse and as your spouse reads over that list, the “truth” becomes clear to them. YOU are the reason their life went down the toilet and that is exactly why they can’t remain with you any longer.

One of the things that God spoke to me in my storm was “Don’t give the enemy ANY more ammunition against you.” He explained to me that HE was going to undo the past damage that had been done. He needed me to stop adding new damage to the list of things the enemy could use against me.

I tried but had to learn the hard way. There was NO grace for mistakes, even small ones with my spouse. Any mistake I made was magnified and blown way out of proportion during the storm. He would take what I did and tell the other woman, who then made it way worse. “I would never have treated you like that; I am way better than her; why do you put up with her; that is NOT how a wife should be….YOU DESERVE BETTER.”

They offer an escape, a solution, a way out.

They are being led by the enemy to lure your spouse into the pit of hell. Proverbs chapters 5-9 talk about the strange woman (can be a man) and the traps they set.

A spouse that has no relationship with God is good soil for the weeds of envy, anger, discontentment, an offended heart and spirit, and blame and contention. It takes a slight nudge from the enemy to steer them into the trap of adultery and pull them away from their marriage.

Standers, it’s time to really grasp this. It’s about God. The spouses have either never met and accepted Jesus, or never surrendered their life fully, or still were holding onto something that never made it to the cross. But SOMETHING to do with God is the reason they got trapped by the enemy.

Stop praying and believing that YOU can fix what is broken between them. You can’t. God is the one that needs to speak to your spouse’s heart. HE knows the exact problem and reasons your spouse has turned away from Him.

God wants you to really see this and guard your heart, emotions, and feelings so you don’t become a human punching bag. He needs you to emotionally DETACH from them, hide in HIS refuge while HE helps your spouse.

While you’re in the refuge of God, you need to let go of every offense that keeps coming your way from them. God is able to help manage your pain, heal your broken heart and strengthen you, but offense must go! This is the offense of abandonment, the adultery, the desertion of responsibility, rejection of children, home and marriage. In His refuge, it’s a place of NOT ABOUT ME and letting go all our hurts and pains and picking up our cross to die to our soul’s feelings and emotions. When you come out of the refuge, these offenses will try to come back. Learn to recognize when you start to become hurt and offended again. RUN back into the comfort of this refuge and let it go again and again.

I would run to my room, get on my face, put on my song “It is well” and get with God and give Him my offense. I would say out loud, “I forgive my husband.” over and over until the pain lifted. In this refuge, is where you overcome the offense and let God heal you. And this is what I did, My WHOLE STORM AND into restoration. It became a part of me and my daily life.

Learn how to enter the refuge of God

A spouse who comes home not fully submitted and surrendered to God is NOT RESTORED TO THE MARRIAGE. IF they come home, telling you they want to change, ready to make it work, sorry for everything, but they have NOT submitted to God, then you accept them home if the Holy Spirit leads, but don’t fall for this false start.

A false start is when a person starts fresh, starts their life over, FALSELY without GOD. They do it with their own plans, and strength and leave God out of it. A REAL start is when they lay down their life and GOD LEADS them to start life.

That is your objective. That is your goal. That is your mission. 

GOD RESTORATION…………………That should be the main pot, on the main burner turned on HIGH!

Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger

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