When you share your situation, pain, struggles, frustration, and disappointments with others, be very careful and mindful, because while you are doing that, you could also be cursing God, mumbling and complaining against Him, since you are unaware of what that actually looks like.

Cursing God is not swearing at Him. Grumbling and complaining can be done in a passive, aggressive way that is laced with self-pity and trying to manipulate God into moving on your behalf.  It’s a form of discrediting Him because you are truly unaware of His character, and you have not yet come to know Him as GOOD!


How you share your situation with others and reflect God, will reflect your heart towards Him and reveal if you are harboring resentment against God for not moving quicker to heal your hurts and giving you back what has been taken.

Not being aware of what cursing, murmuring, and complaining actually looks like, is a very dangerous heart condition that will hinder your relationship with God.  And yes, it IS a heart condition. Sometimes rebellion causes us not to want to surrender to the plans of the Lord and creates anger and bitterness at how God is allowing us to suffer, while our spouses seem to be getting away with it and enjoying the snare they are in.

When we don’t understand that God is waiting for them to stop despising the snare and trying to set themselves free, we are just as blind to the truth as they are. God wants them to SEE, with clarity, that the BAIT was the real problem, and He wants them to lose their love for the thing that tempted them into the snare in the first place, so they won’t become trapped again. We also only see the snare and despise it. We want them free, not caring that it’s the love, desire, and temptation INSIDE the snare, that God is wanting us to become aware of. What good is it to free them from the snare, if the bait is still going to be an issue for them? That bait is different for everyone. It can be anything that we set up as a desire, lust, or temptation that we seek to get from the wrong source. Instead of letting God meet our needs through an intimate relationship with Him, we let people be His replacement. God is perfect in His ways and knows that because these relationships can’t and should never replace Him, He designed the snare to surround the bait.

We become bitter and resentful of the snare, but it’s there to teach our hearts how to change. Either SEE the bait for what it is or live in the consequences of the snare.  When Standers, just like the lost spouse, ONLY see the snare as the problem, they are missing the most important thing. Heart!

We are to love what God loves, and hate what He hates. When we love what He hates, that is the bait, and therefore the snare is set. We need to stop crying and complaining, cursing God about the snare. That snare is there for a purpose. To WAKE US THE HECK UP and bring change to our hearts.

How many times have I cried, complained, murmured, and cursed God for the snare when the whole time God was trying to get me to understand that my love for the bait was the real issue? That by asking God to let me have my bait, but free from from the snare was NOT how He works. That is not Who He is at all because of His love and desire to see us prosper in HEALTHY and good things that lead us to Him, not away from Him. If God is for you, not against you……….then freeing you from a snare without teaching you how the bait is harming you, or destroying you doesn’t align with God’s character and nature. 

So what is cursing?  Cursing is a form of condemning when we don’t agree with something. We speak in a way that tries to condemn, bring down, and shame. We speak with pride, arrogance, self-pity, and even victimization. 

If you are speaking about your situation in a way that tries to make you out to be the victim, because God is not ending your suffering, speaking in a way that is painting God to look like the bad guy or anything less than Who He is, that is a form of cursing.

When Job’s wife said, “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die.” Job 2:9 that word curse is actually the word: barak, it means kneel and bless. She was being sarcastic in the way she said it. She was saying “You go right ahead and keep blessing God and see how that works out for you.” She was complaining, coming against God and who He was out of lack of understanding Him. Ultimately out of a lack of love and adoration for Him. 

And one final note. When someone complains about how you choose to do something, how does it make you feel? Do you feel like they are questioning your integrity? Your motives? Accusing you of being a liar, hypocrite? Or worse, sinful or unrighteous? When we complain about our Stand, we are complaining against God and His laws of reaping and sowing. We are complaining about the methods He chooses to  draw a sinner back to Him. All this complaining is from a lack of heart understanding, and  experience with just how much He loves and cares for you. 

So, if you find yourself complaining, murmuring, or worse, cursing God, apologize and ask Him to help you to better understand Him so that you won’t continue down this path of wrong understanding about His character and nature. You don’t want to die in the promised land without ever obtaining all that God has for you simply because you took the path of complaining instead of the path of learning about Who He really is!


Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger