Conversation with God

And then, I hear Him ask me, ‘What if you are what’s standing between your husband and kids and hell?’ And I came back with, ‘Jesus already died for them why do I have to sacrifice my life, surely I wouldn’t be asked to give my life for theirs.’ He then reminds me of this verse. 

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. 1 John 3:16

My tears came more heavily because if I’m honest I didn’t want too in that moment. I didn’t want Him to remind me of this verse. I wanted to stay in my flesh and give up. But then I remembered my middle boy. He watches me. He is silent most always but every now and again he says something, and I know he is hoping I’m right about all this. He has not asked Jesus as Lord yet, and he is watching me. My boy is watching God in me. My son will base his first opinions and thoughts on God by how I live my life. He is watching. 

Jesus willingly gave His life. Nobody had to make Him get on that cross and die for me. He didn’t do it with a poor me victim attitude. Those soldiers that day were not the ones with the power, the crowd screaming crucify Him were not the ones with the power. Jesus has all authority and power and He willingly gave His life. 

I may never be called to give my physical life for somebody, but I have been called to give my life. To lay down my “I deserve” and “this isn’t fair” for my family. And, my family is watching to see how I will do it. Will they see God as a tyrant asking me to do the impossible or will they see God as love doing the impossible through me? 

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

I have the same authority Jesus did because of the Holy Spirit in me. I can willingly lay my life down, knowing my husband and his words or lack thereof is not the one with power. My flesh that screams at me to stop this does not have authority. I have been given the power and the authority. Just like Jesus knew He wouldn’t stay in the grave and that salvation would come from His death, I know my marriage will not stay dead and that God will use this for the salvation of my family. 

This is more than your marriage. If you question whether or not God would ask you to do this, He did. When Jesus told us that He is our example to live by and then laid down His life, He was letting us know we have been called to do the same. How you walk through this will show the people around you the kind of God you serve. We have been called to be different and to act and react differently. We have been called to make choices that go against our flesh. We have been called to lay down our lives, willingly and with love. You will have times of wanting to give up, be honest with God about it. Don’t run from Him because you feel that way. He will put it back into perspective for you. 

But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. Philippians 2:17

Praying for you,
Brandi Roark