I Had No Idea!-Marriage Restoration

KNOWLEDGE IS EVERYTHING! BUT NOTHING WITHOUT MATURITY!

A child who lacks this maturity is going to be totally different. 

They are going to get upset, confused, and very misled by what they don’t know, and don’t have the maturity to grasp, and are incapable of knowing.

 If they visit the hospital and see the person laughing, having a GREAT time, appearing totally healthy, engaged with the Dr and nurses, and ignoring the child, that Child would not understand the illness at all and only be going by what they saw and felt. They would feel hurt, rejected, miss the person, miss the way things were, and long for the security of what they come to know as normal. They would be angry at the hospital and may come to hate and blame the people that surround the person they are missing, all because they just don’t understand.

The child will be told by those who are mature and have real knowledge and understanding of the illness the true reasons of what is going on.  They try to explain this to the child. But the child is still young, still not capable in their capacity to grasp this. They are still immature and only time is going to mature them to the point where they can see and understand.

This was me. In the beginning. I stood and looked at my spouse as a child, leaned on my immature knowledge and understanding, and drew up my own theories and conclusions. I was limited by my maturity to come to believe only what I was capable of believing. He was not ill because I saw no visible proof. He was being held against his will by people and the place he was in, and they made it so much fun he was enjoying himself and from what I saw, I didn’t blame him as it was a really fun place with no responsibility.  My brain would just NOT accept that my spouse had anything wrong with him because I did not have a mature understanding of God, saving of souls, eternity. Even though I was a 20-year-old Christian, I was a BABY!

I could not talk to you as to spiritual people, but [only] as to ]worldly people [dominated by human nature], mere infants in Christ! 2 I fed you with milk, not solid food; for you were not yet able to receive it. Even now you are still not ready. 3You are still worldly [controlled by ordinary impulses, the sinful capacity]. I Cor 3:1-3

My 7-year storm grew me up FAST!  I came to see the very thing that was wrong was not where he was stuck, not who he was surrounded by as the problem. It was what I could not see. What I did not understand deep inside him that was broken that was the real problem.  I came to really understand that broken place he had because God revealed to me I had that same exact broken place.

I was broken in my understanding. My maturity. I had no clue what God really wanted from me. I had lived in a dark lie that since I said the sinner prayers I was good. I was saved and secure and if I died, I was going to heaven. I was surrounded by the same body of believers and we kept that belief going. I was happy in my darkness and not hungry for more because I didn’t want to change.

Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment, 3now that you have had a taste of the Lord’s kindness. 1 Peter 2:2-3

Wasn’t that what life was all about? Saying the prayer, making the confession, and believing Jesus were real? I didn’t understand or even want to understand the harder stuff. It was too much to be bothered with and I hated making myself uncomfortable or causing myself pain so I skipped over anything that talked about death to myself. Or picking up my cross. Jesus said If I wanted to be a disciple. Well………I didn’t want to. He would understand. He knows how hard this world was. He knows just how powerful darkness was and He had compassion, grace, mercy for us that just could not be all He wanted us to be. I was a fool!

“For My people are fools; they have not known Me. They are foolish children, without understanding. They are skilled in doing evil, but they know not how to do good.” Jer 4:22

Through the storm, I realized that I was created to love Him. Know Him. Be known and close to Him. That is part of my DNA. And anything short of that makes a human miserable. Makes them seek and not find. Makes them have a hunger and thirst that can never be satisfied. And many of us are ok with that. We keep going and living with that always hungry. Always discontent. Always dissatisfied and we get used to never having that peace that we so desperately desire.

This is why I LOVE Standing and what it does to us by force! We are forced out of that crib, that place where we are perishing in our infancy. Forced to leave the comfort of being coddled and blinded in darkness by the World. We love this place, but it’s killing us! We are thrown out and left bare, but the Lord FINDS US and takes us as His own!

6Then I passed by and saw you wallowing in your blood, and as you lay there in your blood I said to you, ‘Live!’ There I said to you, ‘Live!’ 7 I made you thrive like a plant of the field. You grew up and matured and became very beautiful.  8Then I passed by and saw you, and you were indeed old enough for love. So I spread My cloak over you and covered your nakedness. I pledged Myself to you, entered into a covenant with you, and you became Mine, declares the Lord GOD. Ezekiel 16

I hated my storm. I hated Standing. BUT then as I grew up and matured, as my eyes opened, my heart and knowledge opened, I came to not despise the work God was doing through the storm.

The storm was the best and worst time of my life and I regret nothing and am truly and honestly grateful for every moment, every heart-breaking, gut-wrenching lesson I went through because I found Him. The door was opened. A door I never knew I wanted or was created to walk through. 

For some, they came into Standing and were not infants, they may have had to go back to some foundational truths and relearn things that only standing and enduring the rejection from a spouse can teach us. For some, they may realize while they had been a Christian their whole life, they knew very little about what it means to pick up your cross and die to self as they were never tested in this capacity. They may come face to face with things within them that are very hard to face and if it was not for Standing, would never have gotten there. The stand forces us to confront things in us that must change and give way to God’s will in our lives, whether we are ready or not, welcome it or not, or like it. That is what a good Father does!

Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger