When is Enough Enough?-Marriage Restoration

When is enough enough? 

When is it time to quit and move on? That is a personal question that many ask themselves. And if you ignore it, the pain, frustration, anger, and pride will answer it for you. And when it does, it won’t be a good answer that leads you in the best way.

The feeling, the argument for wanting to give up is usually a reaction to being hurt and our pride speaks up and says “Why are you doing this? Why do you keep fighting for a person that treats you this way? That doesn’t love you and is making a fool out of you? Do you know how ridiculous you look? How pathetic and weak you look?” 

THIS right here is where the truth comes out. The truth about who you are as a follower of Christ. Do you deny yourself, pick up your cross and follow Him? Or do you live as the world lives and follow your own desires?

Do you tell your pride what the scripture says about being a true disciple? How the world and the world that is IN you will HATE what you are doing? 

If God has not shared with you the outcome of your marriage and you don’t want to hold on to that hope and “fool” yourself, then go ahead and put that down. But when you do, is that also putting down the gasoline that fuels you to really pray and intercede for them to come out of the darkness and into the light? When you decide it’s over and it’s time to give up all hope that this person is going come back home to you, what does that really mean and look like for you? Will you be able to keep loving them the way you have? Fighting the spiritual fight for them? Or will you be turned over to hate? Anger? Bitterness and resentments? 

When you fight for someone and want them back, it has a way of guarding you with love and compassion, two very powerful things that are needed when you want to believe someone is worthy to fight for, despite them acting in an unworthy manner.

But what fuels giving up on them? What is the reason that you use, and continue to use that will keep that fire going strong to quit? 

“You can’t fight for something that is selfish, is unfaithful,  ignores you!” That you will not fight for something that treats you with such dishonor and disrespect? IF that is the fuel that keeps you “I am done.” fire going, that is transforming fire that helps you resemble the kingdom of darkness rather than the fire that purifies you and transforms you into the likeness of Jesus. 

Your reason for giving up that your marriage is never going to be restored MUST never ever come from what your spouse is doing. What your spouse is saying. What you are FEELING and reacting to from their choices. Or if you no longer love or want them back because you don’t like who they have become.

Please understand that. Because then the reasons are coming from YOUR HURT, YOUR PRIDE! They are NOT coming from the Kingdom of God.

When God speaks and says to you “Your marriage is not going to be restored.” And then shares with you why, it will NOT come with a gas can that fuels hate, pride, bitterness, resentments and it never will tell you to stop hoping, praying, believing for that lost person to come to the light. You never have the option to quit Standing for their restoration to God.  This topic, is like opening pandora’s box. Why would God ever tell a person that? There are too many reasons why and I can’t go into that here. 

Over and over I see Standers quit standing because they could not bear the hurt anymore and they listened to their pride. They went down a path of being filled with resentments and that even led them to be hurt and angry at God. If you could only see what I see daily on my Facebook wall which is filled with those who once were Standing.

There is a real shift in many of them as they turn to self-healing, self-empowerment, and through that comes the memes, and quotes about not wasting your time on someone that doesn’t appreciate you. Gone is the posts about seeking God, to be replaced with photos of dancing, drinking, parties, and hook up with friends that are helping them heal and get back out into the world they belong to. Their healing is all about finding their value and worth in everything BUT the Lord as they blame the spouse for making them feel worthless and unloved. 

Standing was meant to pull you out of the world, separate and teach you who you are, who you belong to and through that, understand why you are praying for a lost person to come to know what you have discovered. IF you can turn your back on God and run right back to the world then you did not stand long enough and the world was not removed from you through the heart change that needs to take place. Standers go right back to being adulteresses! 

When you come to really understand and know God, then you will know WHO YOU ARE. And the world will not be able to persuade you as it once did. True followers of God see the world with totally different eyes and understanding. They see the darkness and want NO part of it. Standing helps you come to the light and helps segregate you from the world.

Standing helps separate the sheep and reveals those that want to live in the flock and know the voice of their Shepherd, or who want to live away on their own and find Standing to be foolish.

For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know Him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. 1 Cor 1:21

Next time you want to quit. Examine the source. Really do a heart and reality check over what is telling you that enough is enough and look ahead to where that is going to lead you.

Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger