The CALL to Stand for Your Marriage Restoration MUST Come from God!

I wanted to reiterate that I did not create this ministry to tell people they HAVE to Stand for the restoration of their marriage. Our motto is and always will be, “If God has called you to stand for the restoration of your marriage, we will stand with you.” We will help, support, and encourage you to do what God has asked, OR we will journey with you if you are unsure and waiting to hear what is to come. 

The reason behind this because Standing is a very serious thing because of the endurance required. You will NOT be able to be obedient or endure if you are standing on something a person has told you. BUT when you hear for yourself, gain that understanding from God, then because you heard HIM, power to endure comes from knowing you are in HIS will. Without that, you will have to much room for worry and doubts.

If you are told by man you HAVE to Stand, you have no choice, it can become a law that can hurt the very person that we are trying to help draw closer to the Lord. If we tell them they have no choice but to stand for a lost person that is unloving, unkind, and rejecting them, they can sometimes feel they have to make a choice between doing what they want, and what God is demanding of them. When they get good and hurt, good and ready to put themselves and what they want first, they will feel that to do this, they have to walk away from God to follow their own desires. This is EXACTLY what happens to MANY lost spouses the moment they choose to walk away from marriage, they walk away from God completely, or they harden some part of their heart to God in regards to marriage and what God is asking of them. King David was a great example of this, how he shut part of his heart down from hearing and feeling the conviction of God over his adultery, murder, lying.

Our desire is that each person comes to love the Lord in such a way that what HE desires for them becomes so important to them, they would never dream of going against God and doing their own selfish will. THAT is the kind of relationship that I desire for each of you. To love Him, know Him, trust Him, have that Godly fear of the Lord that keeps you walking the straight and narrow. This is why I want God to be the one that whispers to hearts direction, and not be so loud with directing people that they HAVE no choice but to stand. I have seen this being done in other groups and it’s very damaging. 

We all pretty much start out the same. The day our worlds completely fell apart. And we all have that crossroad on how we are going to handle it. Many take the wrong road, but turn back and choose the path that God is offering. But sadly, many continue down that wrong path that is so popular and promoted by the world.

I have seen MANY people who get hurt by the rejection, betrayal and blow to their pride that happens when they have a spouse that chooses another. I am watching this play out right now in my own family.

When you choose to go the route of pride to ease your wounds and pain, you can become vindictive, bitter, more spiteful, prideful, vengeful. I am seeing a person completely change into someone I don’t recognize. And this was someone that WENT TO CHURCH and stopped after her husband left her for someone else.

I don’t tell people to stand, that is God’s job. Because many times we believe that if we are called to stand, then that is because there is a promise of restoration. But the truth is, if this person had stood for her marriage, she would have not changed the way she did. She would have turned to the Lord for her help, her healing. He would have drawn her to Himself and comforted her instead of her turning to partying, alcohol, and multiple men. He would have helped her overcome pride, vengeance, anger, and spitefulness. He would have shown her how to pray for her lost husband and forgive him instead of letting bitterness consume her and turn her into a hater of men that are now there for her to dominate and get out of them what she wants. Never to trust them again because of the hurt they caused. When you listen to her, you can see that Standing for healing and restoration would have helped her become BETTER, NOT BITTER.

THAT is why I do this ministry. Not just because I want families restored. Not just because I want you to have your spouse, and your children to have both parents in the home, but because I know what that bitterness can do to you as a person.

I was so filled with hate and hurt towards men, and people. I hated people and mistrusted everyone. I isolated and ate and ate. When I tried to cry out to God for help, MY shame kept me from receiving what He was always giving. My shame kept me from believing anything good about myself and that God loved me.

Standing changed ALL of this. And if I had a choice to do this again, KNOWING that God was not going to restore my marriage BUT save, heal, restore ME as a person…………yes. I would DO IT AGAIN. 

That is how much I believe in this journey. Not everyone has a promise from the Lord that He sees the spouse coming home and the marriage being restored. He will speak and pursue the lost person, but not every lost person is going to turn, repent, come back and listen to Him. It’s not that He doesn’t want them to, or doesn’t try.

BUT I firmly believe that EVERYONE that stands and doesn’t move on to some other relationship but really stands for healing, stands for wholeness, stands for an understanding of God’s beautiful design for marriage, and most of all, stands until they are no longer lukewarm, no longer in unbelief WILL experience restoration in their relationship with the Lord on levels they never expected. I have seen so many beautiful personal restoration stories, including my own where the Stander will testify that while they would never want to go through this again, they don’t regret it. Because while standing for the healing of their marriage, they found God in a way they never thought possible. And what happens when you find God, is you find YOURSELF. 

Everything I thought was important to me was because I was living in fear, rejection, shame, guilt, insecurity, self-hatred and pride. This created a false identity of who I was. But when I started standing to get God to do my will and restore my husband back to me, He USED that to destroy all the things I had WRONG in my heart, soul and rebuild me from the ground up. He used what I was doing for myself………..to totally reshape, remold me. I jumped on that potter’s wheel without even knowing!

That is why I love and support all that chose to stand. Even if they have NO clue if their spouse is going to hear the voice of the Lord and obey and repent. Even if they never get their marriage restored, they chose to overcome the ways of the world and do the harder thing! The crazy thing. The less-traveled road. And the REWARDS are priceless. There are many that confide in me that they wish they would have taken the time to stand for their first failed marriage instead of jumping right into a second marriage. That even if that marriage was never restored, they would never have entered the second failed marriage in the unhealthy place they were. They would not have married an unbeliever, a lost person who also had failed marriages and was just jumping from one relationship to another. If they had taken the time with their first marriage to really get to know God, His purpose, plan, and design for marriage, they would have been able to forgive, pray and really intercede for their spouse as they should have. 

I know standing is very painful. But when you look through the Word of God anything that was meaningful and meant to bring a good, prosperous harvest that sustained and blessed, it came with suffering. Look at childbirth as a perfect example. The world tells us that something that is great would and should be pain-free. That if there is pain, then it’s not worth it. But we all see that God created one of our greatest blessings, to also give the most painful way of getting it.

Forgiving them is PAINFUL because you feel like you are letting them get away with how they treat you.  Overcoming pride is PAINFUL because you have to humble yourself. Not giving them consequences and letting God be the one that corrects them is PAINFUL because it makes us feel used, like a doormat, and taken for granted. Zipping your lips is PAINFUL because we can’t stand to let them hold onto the lies, the need to correct, set them straight and defend ourselves is very strong. Letting them lie and not exposing what we know is PAINFUL because our pride demands that we not look like a fool. Killing the flesh is PAINFUL. 

But…………………..if you don’t. You run the risk of hearing something even more painful. When you face Jesus and He looks at you and says “Depart from Me I never knew you.” Because only those that pick up their cross, deny their flesh and TRY their best to do His will are known by Him. 

Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger