Loneliness-Marriage Restoration

Everyone that God calls to stand for the restoration of their marriage will, from time to time, experience loneliness. And that degree of sadness will depend on the time, circumstance, and how you handle the thoughts that come with the feelings of detachment and separation.

And the LORD God said, It is not good (appropriate) that the man should be alone: I will make him a help meet for him. Genesis 2:18

What does this mean to a Stander? If God created us to cleave and be joined in one flesh to another, why would He call us to remain alone as we Stand? This seems to contradict itself.

As a human-created for oneness with our spouses, are we able to endure being apart? Or does God want us to move on, move forward, find and cleave to another because we are unable to bear the loneliness?

If God created us to NOT be alone, why would He call us to do just that in a long season of waiting for the restoration of our marriage?

Because He has a plan. When He calls you, He will also provide you with Himself to fill the gaps. To make you feel WHOLE! The waiting will be lonely and you will miss your spouse, that is not wrong, nor does it mean you are failing. BUT if God has asked you to stand and wait, and you start to resent standing; start to entertain thoughts of finding something else to ease your loneliness, there is a possibility you are rebelling against God’s plan and desire of being the One to fill the void.

But he who joins himself to the Lord becomes spiritually one with him. 1 Corinthians 6:17 

He IS absolutely and completely enough, but that is something you are going to have to willingly choose to accept.

And this choice may have to be made daily and made with each painful circumstance that comes. Each night when you return to an empty house, every holiday you spend alone. Every time you are around other couples……..you will have to fight against resentments, self-pity, loneliness, and feelings that stir up the needs and desires to be loved and cherished, be to IMPORTANT to someone again.

Your flesh will resent standing alone, waiting alone, making the decision to obey God, and willingly deny yourself the comfort that comes from the arms of a person. Your soul will long for the fulfillment that it was created to have. “God said it’s NOT appropriate for us to be alone.”

If we are not careful, if we allow our soul, our flesh to continue to complain and murmur unchecked, without a rebuttal from the Word, we can enter into rebellion– talking ourselves right out of being obedient to what God has called you to do.

Remember, this is the same resentments, rebellion, anger, that our spouses have used as an excuse to rebel against God and walk away.

The flesh will come at you daily with compelling arguments backed with the even MORE persuasive feelings that loneliness produces. If that couples with the passion of anger and resentment, you will be in an all-out war with yourself. Never ever underestimate the power of the voice of loneliness and the damage it can do to weaken us if it’s left to continue to speak out unchecked.

And let us not grow WEARY of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

“NOT GROW WEARY” is one word–ekkakeó it means this.
To not go from a GOOD place inside to a BAD place because the circumstances tired you out so much that it drove you to bitterness. Do not grow weary is talking about not allowing our hearts to become bitter because of how LONG the waiting is.

If you are experiencing this, let us pray!

Father God, Lord of Lord, promise keeper!

The One that searches my heart and Who understands the struggle and weariness I am going through, help me to have a pure and contrite heart before You. I confess that I am growing weary, I am complaining and murmuring against the call You have placed upon me to Stand for the restoration of my marriage and all those broken marriages around me. The weight of pain and loneliness has become great. Even more so during this time of great uncertainty as fear tempts to overtake me.

Help me to press deeper into You and make YOU my first choice. Help me be content in the waiting and not entertain thoughts of finding another to comfort me. Help me to be rid of thoughts and all desires that are not in alignment with Your good plan and will for my life.

You are more than enough, You have all that I need, help me to make that choice to receive it. Help me to choose to be obedient to You and receive all that You have provided to me through trusting You.

Your Word promises peace, content, security, comfort, joy, and strength. My flesh wants all this, but is rebelling against it coming from You, and demands to get it from a person. Help me to chose YOU this day as my Source for all, keep me strong to resist the temptations that continue to come at me.

In Jesus Name, Amen

 Standing with you,
Sheila Hollinger